Once upon a time there was a girl. She was born with stars in her eyes and a raging fire in her heart. She wanted nothing more than to dive into a world of understanding and respect. The little girl entered the world wide-eyed and hopeful because she had freedom to do as she pleased. Then on one, awful and fateful day she realised she had been nothing but naïve about her freedom when a grown man told her that she had a body tailor-made for his pleasure.
Days passed, then months, then years passed until she finally realised that her body had never belonged to her.
Our bodies have never belonged to us. They are society’s tools. If they aren’t tools to produce heirs then they are tools used by men to gain pleasure, recognition, notoriety and ego boosts. If they aren’t tools used by advertisement industry to sell products to largely male dominated spaces then it’s they are tool used by big pharma to sell products that propel unrealistic beauty standards. A woman’s body is sexualised, objectified, auctioned and commercialised. Need I go on?
When I realised that it was never my body.
I’m sure that you’re aware that the male gaze correlates with the fact that women often lack bodily autonomy. I’m sure you’ve heard “men don’t like women who dress improperly” or “no man will look at you if you don’t show off some skin.” Women, tag-teaming with their internalised misogyny often say these things to each other. I’m of the firm belief that we don’t say these things with the intention to harm or shame each other (most of the time anyway). Our bodies were tailor made to please the male gaze and its insatiability. So when you’re prepping your body it isn’t about yourself it’s for whatever man you shouldn’t piss off lest you get assaulted or a man you should please with your only value in society – which is your body.
I’m sure no girl or woman is a stranger to being leered at as they traverse the streets or just about anywhere in the world really. I’m a Bulawayo girl through and through and I’ve had my fair share of leery men make very obscene comments about my body (especially at City Hall or at Godini). I would hear all sorts of comments about how my body was built for sex. When I was in A ‘level I was trudging through the streets of 3rd Avenue and Robert Mugabe with my friend. We were off to buy ice-cream because it was a very hot day. I remember a man throwing a brick that grazed my friend’s ankle. He yelled at us, calling us whores and Jezebels whose bodies would send him to hell.
Our bodies being policed goes way beyond sexualisation. It involves our weight as well. I can’t tell you how many times a high-school boy thought it was okay to tell me I was getting fat and that I had to lose weight or men wouldn’t like me.
There’s also the body hair hassle. Women often face pressure to conform to beauty standards around hair removal. People see it fit to tell women that their body hair is unattractive. Well, what about us sasquatches? I can’t possibly be bothered to always shave off the hair on my legs that will be back same time tomorrow morning. I and other women are told that our bodies aren’t appealing if we don’t shave. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not opposed to shaving. I want to do it when I want to, not because Panashe and Melusi from class from Engineering think it’s gross and unattractive. I’ve had some women shame me for saying I hate shaving because it bloody hurts. There’s no winning really.
I’m in university now and my situation is still the. Surprise, surprise. Men are still as leery and as lecherous as ever. I’ve had my fair share of assaults and every time they defended their sick behaviour by saying I always dressed provocatively so my body was an invitation to them. The entitlement that society has to our bodies prompts people to ask rape victims what they were wearing during their assault. I guess wearing a summer dress in SUMMER is an excuse for a woman to get raped because the understanding is that you dressed and clothed your body to elicit a reaction from men.
Here’s a stomach-churning fact for ya mate; it doesn’t matter what a girl or woman is wearing. If a man has the desire to rape you then he will. There’s a “What were you wearing” exhibit that was created to destroy some awful narratives. It’s an American touring art exhibit created by Jen Brockman and Dr. Mary Wyandt-Hiebert. It depicts outfits worn when anonymous subjects were victim to sexual assault. The exhibit debuted at the University of Arkansas on March 31, 2014. When you review that exhibit, you’ll see all sorts of clothes worn by rape victims from pyjamas, to long pants and even ballet dresses that were won by toddlers. A woman could cover herself up like a nun and still get assaulted. The fact is that all the clothes were different and most of them were neither short or revealing since popular opinion is that revealing clothing leads to rape. That’s a very harmful narrative by the way, so I don’t know maybe read a book to detach yourself from such senseless beliefs.
Congratulations my dear XX chromosome, you’re supposed to be a birthing machine and an incubator! Motherhood is a beautiful thing. Being able to bring life is amazing. The only issue I have is when women are pressured to pop out babies because apparently that’s the only thing our bodies were made to do. What if I want to shave my head and go and train with Shaolin monks so I can have a body Maki Zenin can be proud of? It’s the scrutiny and the eyes of society that stay glued on what my uterus is up to(seriously though, that’s kinda weird). You and I are not honourable if we’re not popping out some babies.
At the end of the day, it’s not about what you’re wearing or what you look like. It’s about how society feels like it’s entitled to your body. Society will police how you dress your body or how you should dress it and still hurt you whether you choose to adhere or not.
Women & media that owns them…
I had planned to head straight for the hills if I ever brought up the male gaze again and yet here we are (I will not in fact be running for the hills because that means I’ll have to trek through some creepy woods and black people usually die first in these scenarios, so I’ll pass). However, the male gaze best evinces just how much women’s bodies are property to the world. When camera’s film women’s bodies in movies or any other piece of media, I’m sure you’ve noticed how the camera follows every curve and crevice of a woman’s body. The audience, particularly the men should feel like they are in charge of women’s bodies. The camera lingers on women’s bodies, with close-ups on curves and “sexy” outfits, implying their looks are their most important feature. When you think about this, think of Megan Fox in Transformers. Think about anime female characters always being sexualised with their very unrealistic boob sizes.
Media always portrays women in revealing clothing.They are often portrayed in skimpy outfits, regardless of the context, emphasizing their bodies over their roles or actions. Think of video game characters wearing bikinis but actively fighting wars. Where’s the practicality? Wonder Woman’s costume is iconic, but one wonders if it prioritizes aesthetics over practicality for a warrior. Women are sometimes positioned in sexually suggestive ways, emphasizing their bodies and inviting a male gaze. Some movie narratives might revolve around women competing for male attention or validation, often through their looks. Another popular trope is pushed in media is the hypersexualized character. Think of Jessica Rabbit (Who Framed Roger Rabbit) the cartoon character deliberately designed to be hyper-sexualized. Certain female characters might be defined solely by their sexuality, with their personalities and motivations revolving around it.
Women’s bodies & the marketing that owns them…
Sex sells. That’s just about the gist of it really.
In an effort to trigger primal biological instincts of consumers, thereby promoting attention to and interest in the advertisement (Dahl et al., 2009), marketers have increasingly resorted to using completely nude or partially clad models in advertising (Beetles & Harris, 2016; Sugiarto & de Barnier, 2019).
Men buy things women’s scantily clad bodies are splayed on. There’s a correlation between bikini clad women and fast cars. Those two are very tight knit. I don’t know man, I just don’t get it. My guess is that car companies might be trying to link their cars with desirable qualities like sex appeal, luxury, or excitement. The thinking is that if someone finds the woman in the ad attractive, they’ll also find the car attractive. A woman’s body is yet again a too, but this time to sell products.
It’ll never just justify naked bodies on boxes of herbal tea. (I’ll never get it).
Women’s bodies & the law that owns them…
Notice how laws are usually made by men who know nothing about women’s bodies. I remember sitting in a law lecture. It was a family law lecture and I remember how shocked we all were when our lecturer told us that an honourable and prominent legal mind found the domestic violence act detrimental to the prowess of men. Our lecturer’s face was marred in disgust as she narrated the ordeal to us. Granted we were taken aback but not exactly surprised.
The notorious legal mind, revered for upholding the pillars of justice was more than alright with saying that he felt like men would be powerless if a much-needed piece of legislation was gazetted and passed.
Laws in Zimbabwe, particularly our marriage laws prohibit the marriage of anyone below the age of 18. It’s embedded in the Constitution of Zimbabwe as well as the Marriages Act Chapter 5:15. However, these laws are rarely enforced because there’s a widespread agreement or normalisation of child marriages. Little girls as young as 12 are being married off so their parents can survive off of the lobola or roora(bride price). I’m sure we all remember the appalling tales of one Memory Machaya from Marange district who passed away in 2021. Her and her family were from an isolated apostolic sect. She was forced to marry an adult man at her tender age of 14. She tragically died at childbirth and was buried just a few hours later without any investigations.
Reports alleged that she was married off due to the Covid-19 period where Zimbabwe’s challenged economy had all but disintegrated as a result of the pandemic. She was married off so a family could survive or whatever sick reasons they had in their back log of justifications of their atrocities. So, there you have it, Memory Machaya’s body was not her own but her family and community’s tool to gain economic relief. It was their body, not hers.
Although not widely practised anymore (Thank God), wife inheritance also disregards women’s bodily autonomy. Certain customary practices allow the inheritance of a deceased husband’s wife by a male relative. This can be a violation of a woman’s bodily autonomy and right to choose her partner.
SEXTORTION & why your body belongs to those in power:
According to Transparency International, sexual extortion or “sextortion” occurs when those entrusted with power use it to sexually exploit those dependent on that power. It is a gendered form of corruption that occurs in both developed and developing countries, affecting children and adults, vulnerable individuals (such as undocumented migrants crossing borders) and established professionals.
Transparency International Zimbabwe (TIZ) embarked on some groundbreaking research to document the prevalence of sextortion. Their survey found that in Zimbabwe, “more than 57% of women surveyed by the (TIZ) said they had been forced to offer sexual favors in exchange for jobs, medical care and even when seeking at schools for their children.” Fifty-seven is a shockingly large percentage considering that it’s more than half of the women interviewed.
How messed up are those statistics? It’s actually insane how much women are always owned by the people in power. I dedicated a whole section to just expound on sextortion. It highlights how much women lack bodily autonomy in challenged economies and Zimbabwe is no different. It’s always so hard to believe that awful situations like these are still happening in this day and age but that’s our reality.
There’s this movement that blew me away. Society constantly bombards women with messages about how their bodies should look and behave. This lack of bodily autonomy is challenged by two powerful movements: #MeToo and #4BodyPositive (#4B).
The #MeToo movement directly confronts sexual violence and harassment. By shining a light on these issues and empowering women to speak out about their experiences, it challenges the culture of silence that allows perpetrators to act with impunity. #MeToo highlights how power imbalances contribute to a lack of bodily autonomy, particularly for women in vulnerable positions.
4B (or “Four No’s”) is a feminist movement which is purported to have originated in South Korea in 2019. Its proponents renounce dating men, marriage, sex with men and having children. The #4BodyPositive movement tackles a different but equally important aspect of bodily autonomy: unrealistic beauty standards. This movement promotes self-love and celebrates the diversity of shapes, sizes, and abilities. By combating body shaming and the objectification of women, #4B challenges the idea that a woman’s worth is solely based on her appearance. It empowers women to take control of the narrative surrounding their bodies and feel comfortable in their own skin. The 4B movement is so powerful that it drastically lowered South Korea’s birth rate.
Together, these movements create a powerful force for change. #MeToo fights for women’s right to bodily autonomy by ensuring their choices about their sexuality are respected. #4B dismantles the pressure to conform to a narrow definition of beauty, allowing women to define themselves on their own terms. While these movements address different aspects of the issue, they work in tandem to create a future where women have greater control over their bodies, their experiences, and their place in society.
Women’s & the dress codes that own them…
Have you ever noticed that dress codes are usually created to police women’s bodies as opposed to men’s bodies? One Justice Malaba created guidelines that subjected women to a very strict dress code. Women had a slew of instructions about how to dress appropriately in court whereas men were just told to wear dull coloured neck ties.
I loved that my sisters in the legal fraternity did not back down from the chauvinism that was subjected to them. They ripped the dress code to shreds. When I was going over the guidelines, I was convinced that African women’s bodies were being shamed. Let’s be honest dear readers, African women tend to have heavier builds with very notable assets. Being told to avoid tight fitting clothes is a jab because it’s highly likely that our bodies will be hugged by any of the clothes we wear. Let’s paint a vivid picture for just a second: say we stop buying clothes that fit, the idea is that they are bound to be tight fitting and body hugging. If we size up so we can “preserve the sanctity of the court”, the clothes will be oversized and shabby. Then guess what will happen? We’ll be deemed too scruffy for court. So really, where’s the leprechaun’s gold at the end of the rainbow?
I’ve come to the conclusion that dress codes are usually arbitrary and subject women to more abuse. Women’s bodies are constantly under scrutiny by everyone in the professional field. Steve and Themba from accounting are usually focused on how gorgeous Lihle the temp’s legs look in a skirt instead of crunching numbers and cleaning the two-week-old coffee stain on their shirt.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not opposed to dress codes. I know that they are important because Stephanie can’t come to work in a bra and Tinashe can’t rock beach shorts during his usual board meetings. The idea for dress codes is great, they are there to uphold order and they also distinguish your professional faction to that of others. Dress codes only become problematic when they shame women for having bodies. Dress codes only become problematic when they take away women’s bodily autonomy. It’s not our fault we have immaculate double d breasts or phenomenal butts that can seat a wine glass. Why should I be punished for having a body?
If a dress code is being drafted then do it right. If a dress code is being drafted then be respectful to people who are to adhere to it, even if they are …guess what…women! Oh, the horrooooooor!
Women’s bodies aren’t their own even when they are dead…
It’s no secret that morgues are reluctant to hire male hands. Reason being that men usually violate corpses. As disgusting as it is, it’s the reality. Your body, even in death is used as a means for someone’s pleasure.
Is it sexual objectification or women empowerment?
“The smartest thing misogyny ever did was reframing the sexualization of women as ’empowerment’.”
While some might view the sexualization of women’s bodies as a form of empowerment, it ultimately reinforces a system that objectifies women. In my own, informed opinion I believe that the focus on physical attractiveness as a woman’s primary value undermines her accomplishments and worth as a whole person. It prioritizes the male gaze, reducing women to objects of desire rather than agents with their own choices and voices. True empowerment lies in celebrating women’s diverse strengths and perspectives, not in conforming to a narrow definition of beauty for external validation.
Young girls’ bodies are always sexualised. You will be walking to board your transport to head home and a man will make sexual advances at you. No one speaks up because men sexualising and objecting young girls’ bodies is something that is normalised. Social media markets a culture of sexualisation to young girls that is so harmful it’s terrifying. It’s alarming how young girls think showing their coochie to the world is feminism. One of my favourite youtubers Madisyn Brown said something that resonated with me. She said, “I wish that young girls weren’t being tricked into sexualising themselves online under the guise of feminism.” It’s all a scam.
Women have long fought for their rights to express themselves in a way that they feel comfortable in. However, men were not on board with women’s desires for bodily autonomy. A woman who wasn’t modest was shunned and deemed unworthy of love and respect and a woman who is modest is boring and prudish. Honestly, stop gaslighting women.
Whatever end of the spectrum a male decides to be on, be it the type who likes modesty in women or the opposite is the one who owns your body at that particular time. They can fervently claim their preference between either modesty or immodesty, but whatever side you happen to unfortunately run into is the side that currently owns your body.
Our contemporary society (social media) glorifies overt sexualisation. Women in music need to sexualise themselves in order to have longevity in the industry because a woman’s value is in her body. I’m sure some women do it because they genuinely want to but I’m sure most don’t enjoy it. It’s a game and a system that they are trying to survive in. Sure, her voice could be beautiful and she could be the idolised light skinned black woman but all those qualities don’t last if sexual appeal doesn’t surface. Female artists have used their bodies strategically to navigate their way through a tumultuous industry.
Shaming women for how they choose to express themselves physically actually hypersexualizes them and reduces a woman’s power and control to her own self-expression. Director of Research and Education at the Glendon Association, Dr. Lisa Firestone, attributed society’s tendency to cast women into, what psychiatrist and author Estela Welldon described as, “Mother, Madonna [or] Whore.”
“To put a woman into any of these categories is to deny essential aspects of who she is. Common opinions about female sexuality range from accusing women of being prudish or withholding sex, to being seductive and using their sexuality as a source of power or manipulation. These skewed views steer [society] away from seeing the reality that, just like men, women have a natural and healthy desire to be sexual,” Firestone said. In today’s world, women continue to receive mixed messages about their bodies as society struggles to decide how to control women’s bodies, wanting them to be sexually desirable but not slutty.
The only One who owns my body…
The only one who owns my body is Yahweh. I’m sure you weren’t expecting that huh? No society, no human be it a man or woman owns my body and they never will.
Yahweh sent his only Son to die for my sins. Who can you say would ever do that for you and continue to chase you and fight for you? That’s right, no one. Yahweh created me in His image and requests that I abide by Corinthians 6: 19-20 which says “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honour God with your body.”
When it comes to my body, I’ve emancipated myself from the clutches of a toxic society by developing a relationship with Yahweh. My job is to take care of the body Yahweh gave me. That means I have to care for it in every single way possible. I have full control of how I dress my body and what I put into my body just as long as it pleases Yahweh.
In the end…
I have accepted that a woman will never be able to tell society to get their heads and hands off of her body. But there’s so much power in knowing that society will always talk so it’s damned if you do and damned if you don’t. I implore you to regain control over your body in your beautiful mind and control your narrative.
A woman’s body belongs to nobody but herself. It always has and always will. We just need to reclaim our bodies. How do I control my own body’s narrative? What I know is that I want my body to always honour Yahweh. That’s my power. What do you want? Are you comfortable with it? If so, then congratulations, you’ve started on the right path to reclaiming ownership over your body.
Dear society, grow up and keep your head and your hands off of our bodies because they don’t belong to you. Siyabonga. Thank you.
- The “Weird” Brown Girl
sources:
https://www.transparency.org/en/publications/breaking-the-silence-around-sextortion
https://africanlii.org/articles/2021-08-13/carmel-rickard/justice-for-memory
I really enjoyed the insight and appreciate the time and effort you took to make this
What an absolutely amazing piece, so well researched, beautifully articulated and great commentary. Excellent humour as always!
We never stop to think how many contributing factors affect women in this way. We can’t just decide what we deem to be acceptable and enforce it upon a people that haven’t even had the chance to voice what they want.
What we can do is listen and respect women in this regard and not conditional respect; just RESPECT. Nothing less. Thank you for this post, it’s truly allowed me to more appreciate what women go through.
It’s an evil world we live in. You should do whole article on how social media’ “glorifies overt sexualisation”. Bet a lot of teens would learn a lot from that because it’s a jungle out there and kids are being preyed on.
This is an excellent piece.
Nonkosi, you always bring the heat with your insightful topics and research! I love reading your blogs because I know I’ll gain knowledge to share with others. This topic is especially important for women to break free from societal expectations. From a young age, we’re told to do chores so we don’t bring shame to our families when we get married. And it’s not just about doing chores – it’s the reasoning behind it. We’re told to look good and dress well so men will notice us. That’s where the problem lies.
My friend was offered a job as a backup dancer for an artist in Zimbabwe, but she turned it down because she didn’t want to perform dances that went against her values. She didn’t want people to know her just for her body. She was asked to do sexy dances and wear revealing clothes, which she refused. That takes courage!
Your writing highlights how women’s bodies are often seen as belonging to society, not themselves. We need more awareness and campaigns to empower women to take control of their own bodies and minds. They should do what makes them happy, not what society expects. Thanks for tackling this important topic.
Thank you so much for reading! I’m glad your friend refused especially since she was self-aware about herself and values!❤️