I am sure you’ve noticed how crazy obsessed society is about age. Particularly the age of women. I remember sitting in an inn-drive not too long ago and the driver thought it appropriate to tell me that I looked rather young for a university student. My disgust was brewing but it wasn’t strong enough to spill over my resolve not to mention, my interest or desire to converse wasn’t piqued because he didn’t seem to grasp the simple directions google maps offered him, but I digress.

He told me that I looked very good for a 20-year-old, after I had told him I was a second-year university student. My eyebrows furrowed and I started playing with my fingers. What did this obviously grown adult man mean by that statement? What he had just said was really bothering me. I was curious that he had made such an odd statement so I leaned forward from the backseat and asked him what he meant.

This man proceeded to tell me that women were in their prime during their teens. He said to me that most women my age already looked old. I was taken aback. I was only 20! If he thought this way did this mean he found young girls—rather children, attractive? EXCUSEEEE ME SIR, JAIL. WEE WOO WEE WOO, THAT’S THE SOUND OF THE POLICE.

I proceeded to tell him that he should be careful about what he means to say because he is leaning into paedophilia. He then spewed a lot of jumbled explanations, trying by all means to make me understand his very strange assertion.

He told me that females are only pretty in their teens. I decided not to engage in any conversation with him as he drove into a busy road and lodged us in deep traffic. I was late for my tragus piercing appointment, so I tried with every fibre of my being to completely block all he had said about young girls out of my thoughts but it bothered me so much that when we arrived at my destination, I practically flew out of his car. I was desperate to leave his presence as soon as possible.

After much thought it dawned on me, youth was perceived differently for girls and boys. Girls are valued for their youth and desired for being young whilst young boys aren’t desired in any capacity but are offered some semblance of respect I would argue that both female children and fully grown women rarely ever have. That’s just the gist of it, really.

After my piercing appointment I was praying and hoping that I would at least get a driver with a cork in his mouth. Alas, I wished for the impossible. This driver was not a conversationalist but he shared the same convictions as the driver I had had an unpleasant drive with earlier.  He asked if I was in university and I agreed. He asked me what I was studying but I ignored that particular question. Seeing my unchanging silence somehow coaxed him into spewing so much nonsense that I wanted to open the car door and just roll out of the vehicle to put an end to my misery.

He told me that I looked good and too young for university. He also told me that girls look best in their teens. Like the previous driver, I surmised that he had extremely predatory tendencies because who in their right minds actually opened up their mouths to say such heinous thing? That’s right, men. I’m joking. I’m jooooking.  I can imagine that my face looked anything but pleased by his statement. I looked horrified, so to speak. He was surprised by my reaction as he had hoped I would agree fervently with him. He prattled on about how he could tell I was young but no longer young enough to be in my teens by my jowls! I was shocked. What did he mean? Did that mean he studied women’s jowls often? Did that mean he often scouted for children to prey on?

I was relieved when the car came to a stop in front of my gate. I got out of there so quickly that I almost tripped. I was quite disturbed that day even though I had added a cute new piercing to my earring stack. After that day of continuous reminders about predatory nature in our society and the value of youth in women, it all dawned on me. Our society is a mess when it comes to young girls. No, let me call it what it is. Society is a mess when it comes to protecting or respecting female children because that is what they are, they are children. Our society is horrible when it reveals just how youth-obsessed it is.

It all made sense really, I was always horrified and confused as to why I received most untoward male attention when I was in school uniform in primary school and high school as opposed to when I wasn’t in uniform. I remember posing this conundrum as a teen to an aunt who patted my back whilst explaining that men use uniforms to gauge that we were young, illegal and easily manipulated apparently. I was horrified. I knew men lechered whether you were in a skirt or in pants, they lechered at anyone female but the whole uniform-part enlightenment terrified me some.

Youth for women isn’t the same with youth for men.

It is evident that women are valued in their youth and rarely in their 30’s because 30 is somehow super old? Believe you me, I snorted too. Like many, I have been subjected to red pill content against my will. Whether you’re on Youtube, Tiktok, Instagram or Twitter or X if you’d like, you can’t escape red pill content. It will find you. Many misogynists get on those platforms to basically expose themselves for how much they have a very strong disdain for women.

Many red pill defenders will say it’s about their desire to be stronger or better men but the videos I have watched against my better judgement confirmed all my assumptions from the clips I had watched without much of a context. But I digress. Most men in these red pill podcasts or platforms have quite the opinions to make about women’s age. Most have went on to say that once a woman turns 30 she’s no longer in her prime and she’s no longer desirable. This was terrifying for me to hear because what makes people think that?

I would assume that because a woman has reached the age of 30 she’s now probably a little more prepared for stuff like marriage and settling down. Gosh, I was under the impression that women in their twenties were far too young to be hooked in relationships as they should be focusing on crafting their lives and futures (if they choose). Because I was under this impression, I guess you could call me silly and naïve for thinking men thought this way too. Hahaha.

Another red pill man continued his saga of unsupported and outrageous word vomit. He was by all means adamant that a woman was only desirable before she turned 25. I was horrified, speechless and discombobulated. Aside from my theatrical semantics, I can surmise that I was no stranger to these men’s thoughts anymore. It was aggravating and disappointing at the very most, but it wasn’t shocking anymore.

On my other scrolling escapades, I stumbled on yet another podcast. I was a bit apprehensive to tune in but the men in the podcast didn’t appear to be red pill-ers so I stayed to scope the scenery out. The podcast involved a man explaining how the world works when it comes to the concept of youth. He explained that women are valued when they are young and men gain more popularity when they age because that’s when their status, wealth and power finally comes in.

He went on to say that women’s longevity is on a clock and every minute hand that passes, every young woman’s desirability somewhat diminishes. He said that the older a man becomes, the more desirable he is. I wasn’t necessarily mind blown but this explained the attitude that society had towards women and their ages. They glorified, worshipped and dare I say “respected” women who are younger (I say respect in quotes because I don’t think being lechered on or sexually harassed is respect) and when they get older, they are shunned, turned away from society and “disrespected”. ( I say disrespected in quotes because women of all ages are disrespected in a myriad of ways).

Women’s value vs men’s value

 Women are valued for their youth and men are valued for their maturity. That’s our disturbing reality summed in just a sentence. Both men and women suffer from ageism. Ageism is the discrimination against older people. I arguably agree that women face it at a larger scale. A woman’s value, specifically as a female person greatly diminishes as she gets older.

 There was an interview with actress Andie McDowell. She dauntlessly flaunted her salt and pepper hair on a runway at Cannes against the advice her manager gave her. She went on to address the double standard of the glorification and sex appeal men like George Clooney in Hollywood had as opposed to women.

Andie McDowell said in an interview; “I suffered in this business as an actress, with people always wanting me to look younger. For me, it kind of hurts my heart that I can’t embrace where I am because honestly, I feel like I am enough right where I am. We don’t do that to men! We love an older man. We love men as they age. […] What I would like for all of us to do is to stop and consider how we think about mature men and how we think about mature women and really start gauging what we say and what we project.”

I think it’s quite awful how the comments under older women in Hollywood are as opposed to older men’s. Older women are subjected to comments like, “she’s aging well, surprisingly.” “She was so pretty when she was young.” Under older men comments it’s, “he looks so hot. “He’s aging so well.” “What a silver fox.”

 His silver hair is seen asign of maturity, accomplishments and an ability to provide. Her silver hair is seen as the end of her desirability and importance.

How we have normalised this idiosyncrasy.

It’s no secret that society is allergic to aging women. The older a woman gets the more undervalued she becomes. If she’s filthy rich or married to some important man, she garners herself a slight modicum of respect. If she isn’t any of the options I mentioned above then well, into the bin she goes. Society only loves a woman when she’s got perky boobs and a wrinkle free face. That is not to say that’s how I think because I’m utterly convinced its bollocks.

Normalisation of shaming older women is everywhere. It’s in the magazines that report on celebrities (I actually think it’s more torturing of celebrities but that’s just me) that make it a point to talk about a female celebrity’s wrinkles or how she’s aging so badly or whatever rubbish they decide to publish whilst ripping women’s looks apart.

Our laws.

Our laws also display just how much society values youth. You’ll find that it values youth often times over the well-being of young girls or children’s rights as a whole. I write all of this in connection with the age of consent. It wasn’t too long ago in Zimbabwe when men could legally marry and bed girls the age of SIXTEEN. Zimbabwe’s age of consent was 16 until it was revised and ruled by the Constitutional Court to be pushed up to 18 on the 24^th of May 2022. It was only gazetted in 2024. How terrifying is that?

It took women roped into a child marriage to fight for the 18-year age of consent to be recognised and enforced. It’s sickening to realise that whilst I was in school failing trigonometry and learning about Tshaka the Zulu, other girls were being forced to marry men as old as their fathers and grandfathers and it was legal. It’s scary how their youth was more important than their rights.

In Japan, the age of consent was 13 from 1907 until they changed it to 16 in June 2023. It’s okay, take a moment to let that sink. The Japanese age of consent was only revised after a century. I wouldn’t be surprised if it took them another century to bump it up to 18. In Britain the age of consent is 16 while in Germany and China it is 14. Those are still VERY low. See what I mean about this youth obsession thing?

Child marriages are banned in Zimbabwe. But many girls are dying day in and day out as they are giving birth to children at tender ages of 13 and 14 because they were impregnated by their husbands who are old enough to be their fathers or grandfathers. The law that protects young girls from child marriages is shrouded in the Constitution. But it’s clear to see that it is rarely enforced.

Would I really be taking it too far if I claim our societies are built off of paedophilia? This obsession with youth is really just glorified paedophilia in the context of age-gap relationships featuring underage girls or boys with older counterparts whether they are dating or married. I mean, think about it.

Our terminology

I have long since surmised that our terminology always infantilises women.

Women take it as a compliment when they are called girls or when they are told they look young.

Men take it as an insult when they are called boys or when they are told they look young.

Older men are deemed silver foxes whilst older women are seen as hags.

A woman hates being called ma’am because she claims it makes her feel old but the moment you call a man a boy, you’ve started World War III.

Men call women girls when they are flirting with fully grown women and it’s seen as a compliment but women are always biting their lips claiming they want a man to take care of them.

An older single man is called a bachelor but an older single woman is a spinster? I mean I know there is the term bachelorette but how often is it used? That’s right rarely. It’s in our marriage laws in Zimbabwe. It’s a case whereby an older single male is a bachelor and an older single woman is a spinster. How rude.

I know it doesn’t look like it’s so bad in the grand scheme of things. However, these instances are the little things that give life to this ideology or perpetuate it entirely. If you sit down and ponder it, it will all start to make sense

The dating paradox.

Everyone is all for older men dating younger women. It’s normal. The moment an older woman gets with a younger man society is outraged. Why? Because no one likes the idea of a woman having any influence or power over a man.  I know that statement is weird to make but that’s how society (particularly men who see all of this subconsciously) thinks in all honesty. There was another weird street interview TikTok I stumbled across against my will but now that I think about it I’m glad I watched it for educational purposes I suppose. In this video, a man who is 29 was with his 19-year-old girlfriend and he claimed that he likes younger women because when women are young, he can train them and influence them into becoming the perfect woman for him. I was like awoop jump-scare! No one likes women overpowering men period.

There is a frequency of relationships (not only in Hollywood) between older men and younger women. They used to be called May-December relationships. Now they’re just called normal. Hollywood has many terrifying cases of strange age gaps that have been normalised.  Here I mean there are many instances where celebrities were dating minors. If it’s grooming, call it grooming.

Society then turns around and puts women against each other. That is, older women are forced to compete with younger women and vice versa.

Women are consistently shamed if they date an older man as opposed to when older men date younger women.

Reasons for this weird thought process is the mere fact that men challenge traditional gender roles. According to Coles and Francesconi’s model, people choose partners based on fitness (sexual attractiveness and other factors) and “success in the labour market” (having a good job). Because most women have historically had fewer job opportunities, they have chosen partners based on their wealth. But now that women can support themselves, they are using attractiveness as their main criterion.

A double standard around aging also plays a role, the sociologists Hernan Vera, Donna H.

Berado, and Felix M. Berado argue. Women’s sexual desirability is traditionally correlated with youth. Older women are not usually viewed as sexual beings, but instead as sexless, maternal figures. Older woman-younger man relationships show that older men women aren’t that different from older men: They both desire young, attractive partners.

Some “interesting” (actually terrifying, I’m just being polite)  things celebrities do to retain youth.

 There’s a myriad of procedures ranging from injections to full on plastic surgeries that celebrities undergo in order to turn back the clock. They have their pick of fillers, botox, CO2 Laser, microneedling-PRP or vampire facial, chemical peels, face-lift, blepharoplasty, liposuction amongst a whole slew of other procedures.

Ariel Winter from Modern Family contours her butt so it looks perkier. Man, it’s a lot. Gwyneth Paltrow gets her face stung by bees. The procedure is known as apitherapy, it’s a thousand year-old practice that involves being stung with bee venom to treat ailments as wide ranging as arthritis and MS to inflammation and scarring but it also stimulates collagen to reduce the appearance of crow’s feet. “It’s actually pretty incredible if you research it,” Gwyneth Paltrow said to The New York Times. “But, man, it’s painful.”

Demi Moore utilises leeches. That’s right. Leeches. The actress revealed that she has undergone leech therapy to detoxify her blood. And there may be some merit in it, although not in the detox department. The medical worms are sometimes used in plastic and reconstructive surgery procedures since the anticoagulant they secrete prevents blood clots and boosts blood flow to inflamed areas.

 According to Skin Deep, leech therapy enhances collagen stimulation. Certain enzymes released by leeches may stimulate collagen production in the skin. Collagen is vital for maintaining skin elasticity and firmness, contributing to a youthful appearance. By promoting collagen synthesis, leech therapy may help reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles.

Sandra Bullock was in an interview on the Ellen DeGeneres Show claiming that through micro needling, they insert a piece of skin from a young person from far far away because it boosts the collagen… Ellen “joked” saying so it’s skin from a Korean baby. While it all seemed light-hearted it is very alarming. How does one even access skin from a young person from far far away? JAIL. JAIL. JAIL.

I’m sure at some point we all stumbled across the article or story of a 45-year-old millionaire who is attempting to slow down his aging process? According to Business Insider’s 22 May 2023 issue, “Bryan Johnson is a 45-year-old multi-millionaire who is attempting to slow down his aging process. His latest venture involves getting blood plasma from his 17-year-old son.” It’s all horrific, isn’t it?

 What does that even mean? What are the legalities that sanction this? I can safely say that most of the procedures I listed seem painful and super hectic. Some are just downright criminal and terrifying (cough, cough Sandra Bullock).

So what do we do?

Goodness me, I don’t know.

But I’d wager that the best place to start is to try and understand why we have fashioned our society into the youth-obsessed cesspit it is. I’m sure if we think about it, talk about it, write about it and make many bold statements against it (like stopping the tendency of forcing aging women to purchase anti-aging creams) we can chart a path that doesn’t hyper fixate on youth. We must refuse the objectification for we are not our age. We are beyond our age and looks. We’re intelligent beings with value in this life and the next.

Granted it’s not a simple venture but you can’t exactly sit down and do nothing about it can you? The correct answer is that you can’t afford to let this massive issue slide and if this wasn’t your answer or conclusion then try again.

-The “Weird” Brown Girl.                       

SOURCES:

https://www.jstor.org/stable/352258?mag=stigma-around-older-woman-younger-man-relationships

https://www.businessinsider.com/millionaire-bryan-johnson-swapped-blood-with-teenage-son-young-blood-2023-5#:~:text=Bryan%20Johnson%20is%20a%2045,%2Dold%20son%2C%20Bloomberg%20reported.

https://skindoctors.com.au/articles/bee-venom-cream-everything-you-need-to-know#:~:text=By%20stimulating%20collagen%20production%2C%20bee,of%20ageing%20often%20appear%20first.

https://www.livemint.com/news/world/japan-raises-age-of-consent-from-13-to-16-after-over-a-century/amp-11686931414374.html

https://sppc.in/skin-deep-leech-therapy-for-radiant-and-healthy-skin/#:~:text=Collagen%20Stimulation%3A%20Certain%20enzymes%20released,of%20fine%20lines%20and%20wrinkles.