When Culture Becomes A Noose.

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I was sitting under an avocado tree as one of my favourite hairdressers went to town doing my hair. She was clutching her crotchet tools, hooking my faux locs into the braided sections of my hair when a 20-year-old woman looked at me and asked if I wanted to have children. I remember saying no. I remember the gasp I received from her and my hairdresser. The 20-year-old woman gently placed her baby in the pram before scowling at me. I was confused as to why both my hairdresser and her somewhat nosy tenant had decided to arrest me with narrowed eyes.

I touched my face. Nope, there was nothing there. I finally grew uncomfortable and asked, “What?” They sighed. I knew that sigh all too well. It was the same sigh my maths teacher Mr Schmidt gave me whenever I failed to understand an equation that he had explained to me for a total of five times. They proceeded to tell me that my choices were selfish. I rolled my eyes. That wasn’t new. Women choosing to live for themselves is always deemed selfish. I was hoping for a shred of originality. When I thought they had given up, more criticism was hurled at me. Apparently, my desire to be childless was uncultured. My desire to live on my own with five cats was against culture.

I wanted to jump to my own defence. I wanted to claim my desire to be childless was not an affront to cultural norms but their expressions were set just like concrete. There was no changing their minds. There was no opportunity to have a dissenting opinion. They weren’t having it. To them, I was evil. I was selfish. I was unnatural. The woman told me that she had had her first child when she was 15 with a man who was currently 45 years old and they had entered into a customary marriage. My heart broke for her because she was a victim of statutory rape and child marriage. I was even more heartbroken when I realised that she thought the whole ordeal was normal.

How dare I even sympathise? Was I speaking from a place of privilege? Most people told me that I was being hoity toity. They told me that I was a lucky woman because I had good choices. For some girls, this way of life is all they have ever known. They have been taught that marrying as a child is normal and that absolutely crushes my soul.

I’ve realised that Zimbabweans, among other Africans like to dub very disturbing practises as culture. Full disclaimer here, I’m not saying procreation is a disturbing practise. Far from it really. I have just come to the realisation that people will fight tooth and nail to dub very disgusting actions or occurrences as cultural practises. There was a man in a combi who told me he desired to marry me. I was 15 at the time and tired after being assaulted by the Pythagoras theorem in Mr Schmidt’s four period long class and getting hit by a ball during netball practise in the blazing sun. I had tried by all means to avoid conversing with this man but men can be extremely relentless in their pursuits. Unfortunately for me, I had caught his eye and I was his next pursuit.

I told the man that I was a minor, boy did he let out the most boisterous laughter I have ever had the displeasure of listening to. He told me that age didn’t matter. I proceeded to tell him that he could go to jail if he married anyone below the age of 18. He laughed yet again. I was really creeped out at that point. What was so funny and what could he possibly hope to gain by wedding a 15 girl? He proceeded to explain to me that marriage was a cultural obligation, regardless of age. I was young but even I knew that that was extremely wrong.

Which brings me to what I want to prattle about on my platform today. So, what is culture? Our trusty old dear Merriam Webster states that culture is: the customary beliefs, social forms, and material traits of a racial, religious, or social group. also: the characteristic features of everyday existence (such as diversions or a way of life) shared by people in a place or time.

I don’t know about you but I don’t fancy the idea of Zimbabwean culture being associated with something as despicable as child marriages. Because why? What is our reason for normalising degeneracy and dare I say paedophilia? Because that’s what it is. Let’s call a spade a spade.

Most people I know tell me that child marriages are things of a distant and horrendous past that modern Zimbabwe left behind like colonisation. Well, I beg to differ. On both counts that is. Child marriages aren’t an issue of the past (neither is colonisation because neo-colonisation is a thing but that’s a topic for another day). The United Nations posted findings that claimed that 38% of Zimbabwean children are child brides. They have been married off. They have no childhood to speak of. They are forced into marriages so that their families don’t starve. It’s a sad and disgusting reality that is so ugly that Zimbabweans would rather pretend like it doesn’t exist. Well newsflash, it matters. It matters quite a lot. Child marriages aren’t culture. They are evil. They are illegal and they shouldn’t be normalised in any shape way or form.

Culture also has a reputation of being extremely harmful to women. How? Well, there are some deranged people who deem it normal for the husband to beat their wife when she doesn’t act in accordance with the husband’s stipulations. Yes, you read that right. What does the woman do in this situation? Well, custom and culture have taught her that she ought to confide in family elders to amend the situation. Seems like a good idea yes? HECK NO! How is confiding in patriarchal elders set in their ways ever a good idea? There’s nothing inherently wrong with patriarchal elders but they have a history of often telling women to “bekezela” (which means to tolerate) in marriages where their husbands beat and berate them. I was disgusted when a female social worker said to me that some wives are very problematic and ought to get slapped by their husbands to be set straight. I was shocked because this is a social worker who ought to support, protect and serve. Women in her care must be in danger. Should I report her? I think snitching here is appropriate but I digress.

Question also becomes whether or not our culture is even our own. Before the Caucasians from the mountains of Caucasus settled in Zimbabwe, women were darting from Bulawayo to whatever boonies can be found in Zimbabwe in nothing but cow hide skirts. Their tatas were free. It was normal. No one cared. Why? Because breasts were never sexualised. They were just body parts. When the Caucasians came they basically screamed that we were uncivilised naked monkeys. I’m paraphrasing here so don’t hang me. We adopted their way of dressing because if we didn’t we would get beaten or killed or whatever heinous punishment they had in their lists of punishments. One thing about the colonisers is that they were very creative with their torture methods but I digress.

Annywaaaay, it’s 2024 and if you walk through the streets of the City Hall or anywhere for that matter with skirts above your knees best believe that some pot-bellied man who hides his hatred for women will have some obscene thing to say about it. He’ll insult the woman claiming that she’s an affront to culture. I’m always confused because our ancestors walked around in cow hides and called it a day and that was culture.

On another day, two girls were walking around clad in shorts. Who could blame them? It was a blazing hot November day. However, a group of men playing checkers started cussing at these girls who looked no older than 13 claiming that their choice of dressing was the reason why Zimbabwe was experiencing a drought. Their logic was that women were continuously violating cultural norms by parading around in short getups and the ancestors were displeased so they had withheld the rain. It was very sad. From what I’ve recently narrated I’m sure there’s a comprehensive pattern that has been discovered. DING! DING! DING! Our so called Zimbabwean “cultural” norms seem to have a pattern of female oppression and suppression. This oppression can be the suppression of self-expression, bodily autonomy and even LIFE.

Female genital mutilation is not culture…

I was in the kitchen yesterday cooking up a meal I hope was edible enough for one of my roommates and I when another roommate of mine said that as outsiders, we may view female genital mutilation as evil but to some it may just be their culture. I remember putting down my fork and giving her what I hope was a very convincing deadpan expression.

Just because some things are deemed cultural does not make them okay. Not when they hurt people. Not when they destroy people’s bodies, minds and souls as well. So, what is female genital mutilation or FGM? Female genital mutilation/cutting (FGM/C), also referred to as female circumcision, is a nonmedical procedure that entails the total or partial removal of external female genitalia and other injuries to the female genital organs. The United Nations Sustainable Development Goal (SDG) target 5.3 on gender equality refers to FGM/C as a harmful traditional practice and calls for ending the practice by 2030.

It’s 2024 and we’re nowhere near quelling the evil that is female genital mutilation. While the exact global prevalence of FGM/C is unknown, estimates of FGM/C range from 100 to 140 million women and girls in the African and the Middle Eastern Region, and UNICEF estimates the global prevalence to be over 200 million women and girls living with FGM/C. Nationally representative data show that there is a decline in the prevalence of FMG/C, but this is not universal across countries. FGM/C persists due to religious, social, and cultural factors. It is commonly believed to create better marriage prospects because of beliefs related to morality, hygiene, and aesthetics; FGM/C is also believed to curb sexual urges and maintain virginity.

I was sick to my stomach when I looked up the statistics of F.G.M and found out just how prevalent it is in the continent that I live in.

1. Somalia

• Prevalence: Around 98% of women and girls have undergone FGM, making it one of the highest rates in the world.
• Practices: The most severe form of FGM, known as Type III or infibulation, is commonly practiced.

2. Guinea

• Prevalence: Approximately 95% of women aged 15-49 have undergone FGM.
• Social Pressure: FGM is deeply ingrained in cultural and religious beliefs in Guinea, leading to its widespread practice.

3. Djibouti

• Prevalence: Around 93% of women and girls are subjected to FGM.
• Legal Status: Despite laws banning the practice, it remains prevalent due to strong cultural norms.

4. Mali

• Prevalence: Around 89% of women aged 15-49 have undergone FGM.
• Challenges: There is no national law explicitly banning FGM, which makes eradication efforts more difficult.

5. Egypt

• Prevalence: Around 87% of women aged 15-49 have undergone FGM.
• Legal Framework: Egypt has banned FGM, but it remains widely practiced due to social and cultural pressures, particularly in rural areas.

6. Sudan

• Prevalence: Approximately 87% of women have undergone FGM.
• Recent Developments: In 2020, Sudan criminalized FGM, but cultural resistance means it is still practiced in many areas.

7. Sierra Leone

• Prevalence: Around 86% of women have undergone FGM.
• Cultural Context: FGM is often linked to initiation ceremonies for girls, particularly within secret societies.

8. Eritrea

• Prevalence: Around 83% of women have undergone FGM.
• Law and Enforcement: FGM is illegal in Eritrea, but enforcement of the law is challenging in remote regions.

9. Burkina Faso

• Prevalence: Around 76% of women have undergone FGM.
• Government Efforts: The government has taken strong measures to combat FGM, including public awareness campaigns and legal penalties.

10. Gambia

• Prevalence: Around 75% of women have undergone FGM.
• Legal Status: Gambia banned FGM in 2015, but it remains common, particularly in rural areas.

11. Ethiopia

• Prevalence: Around 65% of women have undergone FGM, though rates vary significantly by region.
• Progress: Some regions in Ethiopia have seen a decline in FGM due to concerted efforts by the government and NGOs.

12. Mauritania

• Prevalence: Around 66% of women have undergone FGM.
• Social Pressure: The practice is closely tied to religious and cultural beliefs in some communities.

FGM causes severe pain, long-term health complications, psychological trauma, and complications during childbirth. So tell me, how the heck does FGM constitute as culture?

Zimbabwean “cultures” that don’t sit well with me…

Zimbabweans scream culture to defend heinous acts and I often ask how long will we hide behind the veil of culture? Some women have died because they were told that being assaulted by their husbands is a cultural norm.

What do child marriages bring besides loss of childhoods, high mortality rates due to health complications in childbirth? Culture shouldn’t take a person’s childhood away. In fact, one would argue that culture should instead make someone’s childhood.

Believe it or not some Zimbabweans still practise a tradition called kuzvarira which is basically pledging girls. This traditional practice involves offering a girl as a form of payment for debt. Families experiencing financial hardships may pledge their daughters to older men, often in exchange for money, livestock, or land. This goes back to what I was saying about we deem “culture” it usually contributes to the oppression of women.

Virginity testing is practiced in some parts of Zimbabwe, where young girls are subjected to tests to determine whether they are virgins. This is often done as part of cultural initiation rites to prepare girls for marriage. Wife inheritance, or “kugara nhaka,” is a practice where, upon the death of a husband, his widow is inherited by a male relative, often a brother or cousin, to keep her in the family. “Keep her in the family” as though she is a possession that lacks any form of autonomy. It can’t be culture…because culture can’t be harmful.

The problem…

I love the subtitle. It reads as though there haven’t been problems since I began my prattle. Anyway, the problem with “culture”, in this case I put quotes because these heinous traditions being chalked up to culture is debatable at most. The problem with these so-called cultures is that they are so deeply entrenched thanks to years and years of conditioning and has supplanted itself as a norm.

It shouldn’t be a norm. But here’s what I propose we do about it. It’s simple really, we should talk about it. Normalise screaming about these issues at the top of your lungs. The good thing is that legislation is following closely behind these issues to completely quash them, we have the marriage legibility age which sits at 18 now as of 2016. (Took way too long if you ask me).

However, it’s no secret that rural areas need resources and attention. Rural areas need access to police stations, clinics and a normalisation of community outreaches and seminars to educate people in remote areas that these practises are not okay and that they are NOT culture. We need to teach and teach some more. Whenever this cultural rhetoric is spilled it’s up to us to call it out.

In other words, burn the whole thing down!

I don’t know about you but I don’t want to live in a world where I’m a 21-year-old debating on what anime to watch while there’s a young girl a few kilometres away from me being pledged to a man old enough to be her grandfather because her father wants mealie-meal for the family.

• The “Weird” Brown Girl.

Sources.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9436112/#:~:text=While%20the%20exact%20global%20prevalence,FGM%2FC%20%5B1%5D.

https://www.who.int/teams/sexual-and-reproductive-health-and-research-(srh)/areas-of-work/female-genital-mutilation/prevalence-of-female-genital-mutilation