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Today I want to talk about sexism. Give me a standing ovation.

Sigh.

Isn’t that just…I don’t know, fun?

I’m not big on gender wars. Frankly, I think they are stupid.

I don’t like to compare two awful constructs by dubbing one as the lesser evil, yet here we are. I figured I had to sprinkle my two cents because this debate has shown me how the world undermines women’s struggles that are caused by evil men while simultaneously blaming women for said struggles. This debate had to feature on my blog post at some point, what with the discourse about the rise in misandry on all the corners of the internet. I truly and wholly believe that misogyny is a far greater evil than misandry. Now before you wag your finger at me and grouch, spewing your ‘b-b-buts’, think about misogyny’s contributions to society and its impacts and then think about misandry and its impacts to society. While you give your mind a moment to ruminate, let’s see what Aunty Meriam Webster defines our two big girl and boy words.

Aunty Meriam Webster describes misogyny as the hatred of, aversion to, or prejudice against women and describes misandry as a hatred of men. Not to be that one overly-analytical arts student who even describes why the grass is green during a class discussion, but it would be an injustice not to point out that even the dictionary deems misogyny a greater evil as opposed to it’s counterpart misandry. Who is shocked? Exactly, nobody.

I would like you to know that my statement regarding the discrepancy on definitions by Meriam Webster was merely a joke. I was trying to be funny, so kindly laugh. No? Tough crowd. Anywaaay, I am sure you know my stance on this debate. If you don’t, then reread the title you genius. I will die on the hill that misandry, though an evil will always be swallowed, chewed and shat out by misogyny. Why? Well for starters, one can argue that the world is inherently misogynistic. GAAAASP, I know, I know, take it all in.

That’s right dear readers. I am a 21-year-old woman with all the necessary body parts that can support my aforementioned assertion. Heck, if I was as outspoken back in primary school as I am now, I would support the aforementioned assertion that hinges on the fact that society is just a giant misogynistic cesspit.

The burning question at the tip of your tongue or in this instance your brain is whether the equalist by the awkward internet name “The ‘Weird’ Brown Girl” is a man hater. Oh goodness no, I find hating men a waste of time. I just hate double standards that are usually associated with men and the societal protections that society has decided to embrace badly behaved men with. That’s all really. Hating men as I have previously alluded to is a waste of time, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t wary of them. I mean if I’m not wary of them and end up getting verbally, physically or sexually assaulted by a man society will point its raggedy finger at me and blame me for being careless. It’s a tale as old as time but it goes to show that there are so many contradicting stipulations that society has hurled at women that have made it hard for women to keep up and like men. But I digress.

So why is it that I think that misandry is WAY WORSE that misogyny…

I’m glad you asked…or better yet thought? I don’t know man, you deliberate over the specifics, I have work to do. Anywaaay, I was still insulting society. That’s my favourite pass time if you didn’t already know that. It’s no secret that society is majorly misogynistic. Society was created by men for men. It was crafted to be patriarchal and unbearable even for the men who benefit from it. The suicide rates of men are proof of my statement. Misogyny is perpetuated when a woman, bruised, battered and bleeding to death reports a man for sexual and physical assault and is replied with well, what were you wearing or what did you do to agitate him?

Misogyny is perpetuated by society when a woman decides to share her story of abuse with the world and men ask her what she did to bring a man to such extreme lengths.

Misogyny is perpetuated by society when a man butchers a woman to death and the world asks what she did to push him to commit such a horrendous crime.

Misogyny is perpetuated by society when a teenage girl is raped, and the first question asked is what she was wearing.

Misogyny is perpetuated by society when a woman is harassed online and told to “take it as a compliment” instead of being defended.

Misogyny is perpetuated by society when a woman is killed by her partner, and headlines read “He was a quiet man” instead of naming her as the victim.

Misogyny is perpetuated by society when girls are taught to cover up to avoid distracting boys, instead of teaching boys to respect boundaries.

Misogyny is perpetuated by society when a female leader is called “bossy” or “emotional” for showing the same assertiveness that earns men respect.

Misogyny is perpetuated by society when a woman stays in an abusive relationship and is blamed for not leaving, but when she leaves, she is blamed for breaking the family.

Misogyny is perpetuated by society when women are expected to forgive, to endure, and to “see the good” in men who harm them.

Misogyny is perpetuated by society when survivors of sexual assault are interrogated more harshly than their abusers.

Misogyny is perpetuated by society when girls are told to shrink themselves, lower their voices, and dim their light for the comfort of men.

Misogyny is perpetuated by society when men are excused with “boys will be boys” but women are punished for not being “ladylike.”

Misogyny is perpetuated by society when a single mother is vilified and scorned when she’s the parent that stayed.

I’m sure that you can tell that my comprehensive list is nowhere near being exhausted. It’s endless. Infinite. That being said, how can misandry be as awful as misogyny? How can a society built off of patriarchal teachings be dwarfed or swallowed by misandry? Misandry doesn’t have a foundation to stand on whereas misogyny is society and society is misogyny. Granted women are now fighting against harmful systems perpetuated by the patriarchy. They are demanding equity in workplaces, utilising courts to seek redress and demanding autonomy. In as much as these changes are becoming the norm, women still don’t have nearly enough freedom.

Where I think misogyny comes from…

When a boy is growing up, parents, with the help of society partner up and teach said boy to suppress emotions. When a boy exudes empathy, gentleness and sometimes even tears he is ridiculed and told to be a man. He is told to get rid of his tears immediately. In crueler and less informed households the boy is ridiculed. He is asked by others if he is a girl. He is asked why he is crying like a girl, fighting like a girl or running like a girl. At that moment femininity is ridiculed and denigrated. It is lesser. It is something no boy or men should have or exude. That being said, femininity becomes despised by boys and society. It’s weaker, it’s emotional and useless. That is why I suspect boys grow up to be men who disparage femininity so they can validate their masculinity, hence that disgusting monster called misogyny is born.

Why misandry will never be as bad as misogyny

Misandry is sexism. Sexism is bad. However, I cannot deny the fact that misandry is mostly harmless. It’s a form of sexism that has no leg to stand on. It doesn’t even have the support of society the way misogyny does. Forget society, women also scorn misandry. Most women I know despise misandry. Misandry has no support in any shape way or form. So, is it really the monster that people think it is?

Misogyny has oppressed women whereas misandry is a response to the misogynistic systems that women have suffered for the longest time. Misandry is inherently reactive. If society wasn’t patriarchal and women enjoyed the same liberties and opportunities as men, then maybe misandry wouldn’t exist.

Patriarchy has existed for an insanely long time, we’re talking about thousands of years here, resulting in women being denied education, autonomy, property, and citizenship. Misandry, as a modern concept, emerged in as a mere reaction to misogyny, it’s not foundational to societies or empires.

Misogyny is extremely systematic. It’s found in laws, cultures and institutions. Misandry is individual. Misandry may be real in isolated cases but it is not institutionalised. The most misandry does is offend or insult (I’m not saying that’s okay) while misogyny KILLS women. I’ve said no to a man’s advances before and he almost ran me over with his car. My grandmother tells me that back in her day a man would slap you if you turned down their advances. So, I don’t know man, I don’t think a woman screaming “men are trash” is as bad as being stabbed to death for saying no to a man.

• The “Weird” Brown Girl