*Warning*
*Descriptions of assault*
There was no way she was sexually assaulted—she’s a prostitute.
There was no way she was sexually assaulted—she’s a mattress actress.
There was no way she was sexually assaulted—she likes to dress provocatively.
There was no way she was sexually assaulted—she hangs around a lot of men.
Heinous stuff right? I know.
I’m sure you were scrunching your noses in disgust and narrowing your eyes suspiciously. Has the feminist identifying weird brown girl (I really am a woman…I just…it’s my brand so I have to see it through I guess *sighs*) changed her perspective about societal cowdudu that is heavily shoved on women? No, I haven’t. That being said, put your pitchforks and torches down. I come in peace. At least I hope so, lest I offend some self-proclaimed strange sigma red pill incel. Goodness, such word vomit. Even the term word vomit…is tasteless for a lack of a better word. Honestly what has become of Gen Z and its abhorrent vocabulary?
But for the millionth time, I digress. Apologies.
Anyway, I recently had an epiphany. I was going about my day, you know just like any other 21 year old young adult trying to survive the Zimbabwean Hunger Games. I had just come back from a gruelling exam that made me question my sanity, my choices and most importantly, my existence. Instead of taking a stroll down a premature midlife crisis, I grabbed my phone to seek fleeting but effective escapism. I clicked on my favourite app…yes TikTok. It is otherwise known as the best application in the world. Argue with the wall not me.
ANYWAY, stay with me reader. After scrolling through TikTok for what I know was an extremely long time, I stumbled upon a case report on a news channel. Summarily, it was a mini documentary that highlighted the struggles of sex workers. The main struggle that they suffered was sexual assault. When these women appeared on my screen crying and lamenting about how awful the assaults were, my heart ached for them.
I proceeded to click on the comments expecting to find equally outraged and sympathetic masses. However, I was more than disappointed to say the least. The comments were a barrage of insults hurled by unsympathetic people. These people were spewing very vile and acidic comments towards the victims of assault who had mustered a lot of strength and courage to open up about the assault they had been mercilessly subjected to.
These comments were:
“Well is it really assault when she’s a prostitute?”
“How can a prostitute be raped?”
“Well…they are bops. I don’t think bops can be raped.”
In case you are not up to date with Gen Z’s ever evolving language, a bop is basically a prostitute or a whore. That’s what it means. From what I could gauge, these comments were being made by men. Judging from the interesting profile pictures littered with various popular anime characters, fighters and cars, I could deduce that these were men. These men had basically disregarded the assault as nothing more than a sexual transaction gone wrong. The general consensus in the comment section (deposed by what I assume was mostly men) was that a prostitute was incapable of being raped. I was confused. Don’t we live in 2025? Are we still barriers to access for justice? Are we still living with the thought process that prostitutes cannot be sexually assaulted because they sell their bodies for a living? If so, kindly take me to a time where people have educated themselves on basic human rights and are well aware that NO ONE deserves assault and that ANYONE can be assaulted. I wouldn’t wish a crime or disaster like rape on my worst enemy. In my opinion, it’s a crime punishable by public castration and eventual death by firing squad.
I couldn’t comprehend why people were failing to sympathise with the victims. It seemed like the more I scrolled, the worse the comments became. Suddenly, realisation dawned on me. People didn’t sympathise with the victims because said victims were prostitutes. I know you’re probably saying, “duh oh capable and competent scribe, you have already made this assertion.”
I have. However, I promise I am going somewhere further with this assertion. The reason why people failed to sympathise with the assault victims is because society views them as imperfect, blemished and ruined women. Society hates a lot of things. Society hates those who refuse to adhere to its norms, society hates rebels and rogues. Society likes systems. Systems thrive off of roles. Men and women have distinct roles (hey don’t look at me, look at society), The most important role society ever gave to a woman was the constant pursuit of perfection. According to pot-bellied and balding society, a perfect woman is:
One that is feminine and soft spoken
One who is submissive
One who is conventionally attractive.
One who never speaks unless spoken to.
Call me melodramatic but that’s the truth. Those qualities are what society expects from women. If she doesn’t meet most if not all the standard expectations, then she’s an imperfect victim who doesn’t deserve any retribution from the court of law or court of society.
My epiphany then becomes, SOCIETY IS OBSESSED WITH A PERFECT VICTIM. I know it’s not an original epiphany so I don’t need a round of applause. What I need you to do is to keep reading. Go on.
Sooooooo, what is a perfect victim?
I’m glad you asked! According to Dr Jason B. Whiting, a perfect victim is someone who is weak or vulnerable and “involved in a respectable activity at the time of victimisation”. Therefore, the victim must be “blameless, in all aspects of the interaction” with their offender who is a stranger to them.
This checklist suggests that the core facets of the “perfect victim” are vulnerability, believability and respectability. In 1986, Nils first introduced the concept of the “ideal victim” as someone capable of garnering the most sympathy from society.
“the ideal victim-survivor must be White, cisgender and feminine.”
The perfect victim and sexual assault
People like to blame victims of assault by asking them all sorts of silly questions like what were you wearing? Where were you? Who were you with? Honestly, the list of victim blaming slop is long. Other questions and “aha” moments that I think victim blamers love to use as their trump card is “how come you didn’t report him or her any sooner?” Well I don’t know Tinashe, maybe it is because she was traumatised? Maybe because she was embarrassed? Maybe the perpetrator comes from a powerful family filled with lawyers and politicians? Maybe because people like you who blame victims discouraged her from going to seek justice?
Whatever the case may be, I despise that question with a passion. There is no such thing as a perfect assault victim. There are situations that are violent and some women scream or shout for help. Some women are tricked, threatened or coerced and then shamed into staying silent. Other women could be unconscious, other women could be drugged. The list is endless. That being said, there is no perfect way a victim of rape should or will act. Society or anyone else does not get to dictate a victim’s actions or response.
In Zimbabwe and many African countries that I have observed, live and die by the perfect victim myth.
“The victim was wearing a skirt so short that it disappointed the ancestors into not giving the people rain?” =She was imperfect and asking for it.
“She befriended a man, they had a good relationship and all of a sudden she’s crying rape|? She is to blame for being friends with a man.” =She was imperfect and asking for it.
“She was alone at night? She is to blame for not going home sooner.” =She was imperfect and asking for it.
“She was getting raped at that time? Why didn’t she scream or shout for help? She must have wanted it.”=She was imperfect and asking for it.
“She got raped and she’s only reporting months later? Why didn’t she report him earlier? Why did she only wait to report him today?” = She was imperfect and asking for it.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re engaged in a conversation on the streets about sexual assault or you pass by a group of people talking about it or you’re scrolling through comment sections on social media, people will always find a way to blame the victim of assault by citing her imperfections. Those imperfections could be about her character, they could be about her dressing or her actions before, during and after the assault. Yet again, the list is horribly infinite.
My take is that in a society that so greatly favours men and places them at the apex of just about anything will never support the victim. Even if she fits the criteria of the perfect victim—that is white, feminine and as straight as a rod, they wouldn’t be moved because a woman who reports an assault is somehow attacking men. Society does not take kindly to anyone who threatens men. How has it ensured that men remain safe or protected? By withdrawing accountability or responsibility on their part. Men are notably not obligated to be accountable or responsible for their actions. In Zimbabwe, I have actually heard sentiments like this:
“She’s a single mother? Well, it’s her fault she should have chosen better.”
“She got raped? Well, he was drunk. She was dressed immodestly. She was walking around at night alone.”
“He murdered her? Well, what did she do to him for him to react that way?”
“He cheated on her? Well, she let herself go.”
These are a few instances that illustrate how men are rarely held accountable for their actions. Blame is always shifted towards the victim who is usually a woman (surprise, surprise).
There’s a certain way a victim should look and act to be believable and credible. Society has to find them worthy of their sympathy. This is a big issue. It’s a horribly HUGE issue. It’s also extremely dangerous. It puts girls and women at a horrible risk. Granted, the perfect victim myth is deeply rooted in victim blaming. Both heinous societal concepts rid male perpetrators of blame, responsibility and accountability and cast aspersions on the character of the victim with the end goal of silencing them.
If you’re a female victim who is devoid of mistakes and meet certain societal standards, then congratulations…society might just support you. What I have realised is that there is so much misogyny when it comes to dealing with issues that affect women…assault of any kind is just the tip of the iceberg. Society holds women at a higher and different standard… they ought to be moral compasses or they get flushed.
So, would I be dramatic for thinking that society’s obsession with “perfect women” is just another tool of oppression used to silence women and in order to keep up appearances of men? Notably, believability hinges on a number of characteristics. This is where intersectionality comes in. People should get in the habit viewing issues through the lens of intersectionality. (I will write about this if you comment that you want a deep dive on it…tee hee hee). People with different characteristics experience the world in a complex way. Instances like one’s race, religious alignment, gender for example play a massive role in believability. Someone of colour with a religion that’s isn’t Christianity is likely to be overlooked or scrutinised harshly when reporting an assault.
With the perfect victim myth comes the scrutinisation of victims as opposed to the accountability of the perpetrator. After reporting an assault, women have reported being welcomed by a barrage of unsympathetic questions of the “what were you wearing?” “how much did you drink?”. After those insults, the victim gives her account of what happened with more details. If she doesn’t remember the account clearly, the police or authoritative body scoffs and asks how they can believe her. If her account is well detailed, then she definitely crafted a story to ruin a good man’s reputation and life.
The perfect victim myth and just about everything else in this world….
Another push for the perfect victim issue is centred around black death. No one cares about black death. I think the more appropriate description is that people are disensitised to black death. Black people especially those in Africa are the poster children for hunger, war and famine. Western media has done a commendable job of painting Africans, especially black ones as war mongering savages who butcher each other. While there is some truth to this (corruption, but that’s a topic for another day) it is greatly exaggerated. With this harmful narrative comes the world’s disensitisation to black death. Because the world expects black people to be at war, no one seems to care when black Africans are dying because of said wars.
There’s a grave war happening in Palestine. Palestinians are getting horribly butchered and murdered. In Africa, there’s a war in Congo. People have been getting butchered for years on end. No one was talking about it. It was known that people in Congo were getting killed but it seemed as though the world didn’t and arguably still doesn’t seem to care about this particular conflict. However, the Palestinian conflict had media coverage galore and garnered global outrage. One can’t help but think that black Africans aren’t regarded as perfect victims—heck they aren’t victims as far as the world is concerned.
For people to know that Congolese people were dying, being tortured and assaulted by rebels, being displaced and just straight up suffering, the Free Congo movement had to piggyback off of the Free Palestine movement. A Congolese man had to set himself on fire for the world to set its eyes on Congo. It was all very horrific. It IS all very horrific, yet the world continues to turn a blind eye.
So…
If you aren’t white, prim, proper, reserved, feminine, fit and friendly then you’re basically screwed in the eyes of society. Summarily, you don’t fit the mould so why should society even so much as bat an eyelash at you? Notably, Black women are the faces of promiscuity and violence – thanks to Western media portrayal. White women are the faces of purity and kindness – thanks to Western media portrayal. Thus, the world is likely to go to war for the white victim as opposed to any other victim of colour.
What do we do?
Well, I can’t be the only one calling misogynists out for spewing hateful rhetoric about female victims using the vehicles of the perfect victim myth or victim blaming. I do it whether it’s on the harsh battlefields of the comment sections or in everyday life off-screen. I think we should all do that. We shouldn’t live by the ideal of innocent until proven guilty as it casts a gross scrutiny on victims. Perhaps we can live by the fact that victims’ accounts are true unless proven false. I think if we trudge along our lives with this mind set we can protect victims, girls and women as opposed to blaming them and actively putting them in harm’s way.
For the more logical people, how about you completely scrape the victim of their social identity and focus on the evidence produced? That’s one way to rid oneself of biases. Focus on the incident not on the victim’s reaction to the assault.
What can one take away from this blog post?
Stop being a misogynist!
Trust me, it’s not that difficult.
- The “Weird” Brown Girl.
The very notion of a “perfect victim” is inherently flawed…an illusion shaped by the shifting moral compasses of society. The moment we qualify victimhood with an adjective, we place it on a subjective scale, one inevitably skewed by personal biases. People naturally rally behind causes that resonate with them, prioritising self-preservation over justice. But self-preservation extends beyond safeguarding one’s personal image; it also encompasses protecting the collective identity of whichever social subgroup one aligns with. This, in turn, can have dire consequences, as it often leads to a tribalistic prioritisation of group interests over individual rights. The result? A zero-sum battle where justice is sidelined, and the most vulnerable bear the cost.
At its core, justice should never be conditional. Stripping individuals of their right to seek justice simply because their experiences do not fit neatly into one’s worldview is a moral failing of the highest order. Who determines whose suffering is worthy of remedy? This mindset only fuels a dangerous feedback loop…misogynists, for instance, dismiss cases based on preconceived notions of what constitutes an “acceptable” victim, yet this very dismissal perpetuates the conditions that force women into the unsafe environments they claim to condemn.
As for the desensitisation to Black death, I couldn’t agree more. I’ve personally encountered people who exhibit complete apathy towards rising Black mortality rates; a chilling reflection of a worldview that only values the well-being of those within its own societal bubble. Conflict is, unfortunately, an inescapable part of human existence. However, we can minimise suffering by actively working to uphold the intrinsic value of life…not through vague, all-encompassing statements like “all lives matter” (which, while true, often serve as rhetorical shields rather than calls to action), but by addressing the specific injustices faced by women, Black people, and other marginalised groups. Too often, broad, feel-good slogans dilute the urgency of these struggles, allowing systemic inequities to persist unchallenged.
Ultimately, justice must be centred on the individual rather than the collective; only then can we ensure that every voice is truly heard.
As always, this was an incredibly well-researched and thought-provoking read! Your humour and narrative flow make even the heaviest topics engaging, and I always appreciate the depth of your analysis. Happy to be reading your work again! Welcome back!
P.S Would definitely love to read a dive into intersectionality, looking forward to it!
This is so true! Justice should not be conditional. You’ve explained it so perfectly!
It seems no matter what women do, they can never win – “damned if we do, damned if we don’t”. I’ve heard people claim that they never believe rape victims because “what if she’s lying?” but i’d argue what if she’s not? What happens when we silence a woman who has gathered up the courage to finally speak about a traumatic event in her life? We shut down other victims from speaking. We allow abusers to roam freely because they know that should the news come out, their victims would receive MOST of the blame, if not all of it.
I believe the problem is that men think only women get assaulted, but it can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, religion or status. And just like TWBG said, “I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone.” Terry Crews came out with his own story in 2017 about how he was sexually assaulted by a Hollywood Executive and even he faced backlash from some who accused him of not being “man enough” to defend himself, as well as criticism from others who questioned his motives or accused him of seeking publicity. It’s hard to believe that someone as lovable as Terry Crews would get such a reaction from him speaking out, but it’s just another example that goes to show that the world will never be content with anyone speaking out about their story. They will always nitpick and find something to blame.
A more recent story is that of Gisele Pelicot, a 72-year-old French woman, who was drugged and raped by her own husband for over a decade. Her coming out and choosing not to remain anonymous during the whole investigation and trial that started in 2021 brought the movement ‘shame change sides’ meaning that we should focus more on shaming the perpetrators and NOT the victims.
to TWBG, you have blessed us, once again, with a truly amazing blog post and I cannot wait to read the future posts! Keep it up!
Thank you for exposing how the “perfect victim” myth—only the White, cisgender, conventionally feminine and “blameless” deserve sympathy—silences everyone else, from sex workers to women of color. Intersectionality shows how race, class and gender identity compound biases that let perpetrators off the hook. We must center survivors’ voices, refuse victim‑blaming questions, and fight for policies that guarantee justice for all, regardless of background.