Hear me out readers, you or should I say society absolutely abhors an unrelatable woman? Whatever do I mean? Well, there’s a high chance you scoff when a woman does something that is considered unrelatable or odd. Simply put, society detests women who don’t present themselves in a way society has mandated that women should present themselves. Society detests women who act out of “turn”.
Humanity is seriously hellbent on tearing down women they deem unrelatable. Human beings fear, hate and seek to destroy whatever it is they do not understand. Women who push the boundaries and think outside the box are subjected to attacks born from fear and hate which ultimately destroy. It’s honestly a sickening tale as old as time. People absolutely adore tearing each other down—but there’s nothing more that they love than tearing women down.
Woe is the woman who refuses to conform to female archetypes for she is persecuted, continuously hunted down by angry mobs clutching pitchforks.
So why are you a hater?
Congratulations, you suffer from a disease called internalised misogyny. The cure? READ A BOOK!
It’s simple; you’re probably a misogynist. Not outright per se, but it is definitely internalised. It is absolutely imperative that you free yourself from internalised misogyny as it as an all-consuming monster that does nothing to edify anyone’s life. Not even yours. It actually does more harm than good.
Women have long since internalised social prejudices. Silly things like “women can’t lead,” “women are too emotional,” “I understand men sometimes, women tend to let themselves go,” or “women who don’t shave aren’t very feminine.”
Outlooks of that nature are so harmful! I don’t even know where to begin. This internalised misogyny leads to critiquing or hating women who embody conditions that women have long since been conditioned to suppress.
Until women can tell their own stories in the media—their complexity will always equal villainy or tyranny
The media has this disgusting trend of painting complex female characters in film or novels as villains. A complex and flawed female character is cold, cruel and a female dog. There’s really no two ways about it. Apparently, the whole idea that art is subjective and nuanced or that characters are also subjective and nuanced does NOT extend to women. Not at all. If anything, female characters aren’t subjected to analysis or even adoration they are just two sides of a coin; good or evil.
They are rarely deemed morally grey or complex or even nuanced.
They aren’t deemed iconic like male characters in film or other pieces of fiction.
Women who aren’t relatable are often deemed outliers, further marginalising them.
Morally Grey Male Characters Who Are Adored
Tony Montana (Scarface)
Despite being a violent drug lord, Tony Montana is celebrated as a cultural icon. His ambition, charisma, and rebellion against societal norms overshadow his criminality.
The Joker (The Dark Knight)
A manipulative and destructive anarchist, the Joker is adored for his complexity, wit, and defiance of order. Fans often romanticise his chaos.
Walter White (Breaking Bad)
A high school teacher turned drug kingpin, Walter’s journey into darkness is seen as compelling and relatable. Audiences root for him despite his increasingly destructive choices.
Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean)
A cunning, morally ambiguous pirate, Jack’s charm and humour make him a beloved character even though he consistently acts in self-interest.
Tyler Durden (Fight Club)
An anti-establishment figure who promotes chaos, Tyler is idolised by many fans as a symbol of rebellion, despite his toxic and destructive ideologies.
Morally Grey Female Characters Who Are Demonised
Cersei Lannister (Game of Thrones)
Cersei’s ambition and ruthlessness, similar to Tony Montana’s, earn her widespread hatred. Her actions are often framed as unnatural because she’s a woman in power.
Amy Dunne (Gone Girl)
While her intelligence and manipulation mirror traits adored in male characters, Amy is labelled as a “psycho” and irredeemable for her elaborate revenge plan.
Nina Sayers (Black Swan)
Struggling with ambition and identity, Nina is portrayed as dangerously unhinged. Her descent into madness is rarely seen with the same empathy as Walter White’s moral decay.
Miranda Priestly (The Devil Wears Prada)
A brilliant but demanding boss, Miranda is seen as cruel and heartless, traits often celebrated in male leaders like Steve Jobs (portrayed in film).
Harley Quinn (Various DC Films)
Initially a victim and later a morally grey anti-hero, Harley is criticised more harshly for her questionable choices compared to her male counterparts like the Joker.
Weird conformity to gender norms
Society somewhat rewards women who remain conditioned. It rewards women who are relatable in a way that aligns with conventional femininity. Anything outside the bounds of conventional femininity leads to being burnt on the stake. If a woman is nurturing, approachable and modest then woweeeee she’s a keeper! Then again, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with conventional feminine traits. The problem only arises when society expects every woman on this vast and massive planet to act the same way. It’s the shoving down our throats part we detest, not that values themselves. If a woman is to embody these traits should they not do it on their own accord? Women who deviate by being assertive, independent, or unapologetically themselves are viewed as “too much” or “cold.”
I have realised something in creative spaces! I bet you want to know what it is. Well, good news reader, I’ll inform you. I am an avid content connoisseur. I love watching video essays and sometimes I watch a luxury video by Jackie Aina so I can continue to motivate and inspire myself to work hard and leave the trenches. I have realised that black women who have content based on luxury tend to be deemed ‘unrelatable’ then a slew of insults are hurled at them. These black content creators, especially dark-skinned women are subjected to unwarranted criticism. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with constructive criticism…we must all learn and grow.
However, the problem arises when people assume that hateful comments equate to ‘harsh but necessary criticism.’ Hmmmm. Women like Jackie Aina and Operation Nikki make content and are deemed too unrelatable. I’m always astounded by audiences as they put their effort into uplifting different creators and when these creators create wealth, start travelling and living great lives—they become unrelatable. So, what is relatable content when the content creator happens to be a black woman? It seems the world wants black women to adhere to racial stereotypes and archetypes… all the while not necessarily acquiring wealth. You know…loud, ghetto, uneducated, uncivilised, unattractive, caped protesters, selfless to a fault and always a sidekick.
In Southern-Africa it seems as though the brunt of all the vitriol poured by unrelatable-Nazis is none other than Uncle Waffles. People have often screamed that she does too much or that her music doesn’t need all that performativity. Which strikes me as odd because she is an artist after all. Shouldn’t we want to see some range in different genres of music that typically have the same plot; dancing, pool parties, other parties, break-up stories, going to one’s rural home to become one with themselves again among a slew of other music video plot lines?
People claim that Uncle Waffles does too much or that there’s no point to her music videos and I find myself asking what the point of a pool party in a music video about love is? Yes, I have beef with pool parties. So what? Sue me.
Anyway, back to my main point: Society really hates to see an unrelatable woman coming. You would think that the point of watching content made by luxury content creators is for escapism. We go through some heinous stuff from time to time, courtesy of life and all its topsy turvy plots. With that in mind, wouldn’t you want to get away from your own life and see different stuff? Don’t you want to find something to aspire towards? Something to aid in your discipline to finally start going to lectures? Your answer should be yes, honestly. If it is (which it must) then that’s why people (like me) enjoy those videos. I don’t want to get online and watch stuff that mirrors my life. What could I possibly stand to gain or learn from that? I want to see gorgeous black women that are well moisturised wearing designer or couture.
I want to see gorgeous black women in fancy cars or going for swanky corporate jobs that pay them more than Zimbabwe’s GDP per capita. I love that because it aids me to dream and strive for better in my own life. One would think that seeing ourselves in women thriving is a great thing. It should be a whole “if she can do it, that means I can do it as well.” But alas, tis not. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
So what do we do?
Get help?
I’m just kidding.
Not really.
Not everyone is going to be relatable. Women, especially black women don’t owe anyone relatability. They owe it to themselves to be true to themselves and if their actions or content don’t resonate with you then you need to immerse yourself in content of women who meet your quota. Maybe do a little soul searching as well…it wouldn’t hurt. LET US LIVE!
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