via GIPHY

While I understand that I lack the sufficient knowledge and reasoning ability at present moment to address this construct that heavily irks my soul, I’ll do it anyway! Why? It’s simple really, I want to and I can, just joking I experienced an epiphany if you could call it that. This week on Wednesday I had a few administrative issues I had to address at school. Ughhhh, I know. The very thought of running around to rectify admin issues is like a punch in the throat. Anyway, I hightailed my short arse to the building that had the people who were to fix my issues.

Now get this, the day wasn’t all that bad. The sun wasn’t exactly cooking me like it usually does when I make my hellish trek to lectures every day. I arrived to the admin building without breaking a sweat considering the fact that I was clothed from head to toe in black. I explained my issue to the lady manning the office and she handed me some paperwork. Here’s where it got a bit iffy. The lovely lady manning the desk proceeded to ask me whether I’m a Ms, Miss or Mrs.

I was well aware that I was no Mrs that’s for sure because well…yikes. Now, Ms or Miss? What the heck was the difference? I thought Ms. was a title that was given to older women. I never linked any of these titles with marriage, just with age. So, I furrowed my eyebrows and looked around the room awkwardly before saying Miss. She nodded and fed her computer that information. I mean that was correct right? I had been called Miss for as long as I can remember.

I shrugged my shoulders and took a seat, preparing to fill out whatever lengthy form I had been given. Then I gasped when a man, probably about the same age as me greeted the woman who proceeded to address him as Mr. She just handed him his forms. How come she didn’t ask this man about his marital status? Was it unimportant in the grand scheme of things?

I’m not about to make this a massive deal (we’ll see, lol) but I’m convinced this deserves an analysis seeing as how women are the ones who have these numerous titles to determine whether they are married or not while a man well…he exists I guess, no marital status to really worry about. Which brings me to the question of, is a woman’s worth or value defined and determined by her relationship with a man?”

Spoiler alert; yes.

Why the titles?

After my administration wars and long, dreary classes that cool Wednesday afternoon, I hightailed home desperate to have my fingers clicking away at a keyboard to divulge the information I so desperately sought. I could feel my fingers flipping through pages and pages of books incessantly at the public library. It sounds a bit odd but the idea of researching why society was obsessed with my marital status was nice. I sped upstairs to my room and got to sifting through my sources of information to find out why my university paperwork was hyper fixated on whether I was married or not.

So after about an hour of what I could call a cohesive collection of information, I surmised that a woman’s socioeconomic status is affected by whether she has a man or not. Simple. Men’s social or socioeconomic statuses aren’t at all affected by their relationship with women. It seems as though it has always been that way. Then it dawned on me, whenever I was filling in some forms, being asked questions or at an interview my marital status was and is always brought up whereas the marital status of my male counterparts is almost never brought up!

Absolute cowdudu.

So, where’d this Ms, Miss and Mrs thing come from?

Ms and Miss come from the word mistress. Throughout history ‘mistress’ was a term with a multiplicity of meanings, like so many forms of female address. In his Dictionary of 1755, Samuel Johnson defined mistress as: ‘1. A woman who governs; correlative to subject or servant; 2 A woman skilled in anything; 3. A woman teacher; 4. A woman beloved and courted; 5. A term of contemptuous address; 6. A whore or concubine.’

Mistress’ is the root word of both of the abbreviations ‘Mrs’ and ‘Miss’, just as Mr is an abbreviation of ‘Master’. The ways that words derived from Mistress have developed their own meanings is fascinating and shifts in these meanings can tell us a lot about the changing status of women.”

Amy Erickson.

Mr comes from the word Master.

In the 1500s, the titles Mrs., Miss, and Ms. all stemmed from a single term: Mistress. Back then, a mistress was a woman who managed a household, usually as the wife of the man who owned it. Interestingly, Mistress was also used for an unmarried woman involved with a married man—a reflection, perhaps, of how societal norms have always shaped language.

Originally, “Mrs.” was a title for an older woman, while “Miss” referred to a younger woman. Over time, though, these labels shifted to denote marital status. Mrs. became a title exclusively for married women, while Miss was reserved for single women. The introduction of Ms. in the 20th century aimed to provide a more neutral option, one that didn’t hinge on whether a woman was married. The whole Miss thing also ties into how female-youth-obsessed society is. It ties into how much society values a youthful woman. So there’s a category for married women, young single women and single women. These titles show us that women lack autonomy even in language.

Meanwhile, the title “Mr.” has a simpler backstory. It’s just a shortened form of “Master,” a title given to all men, regardless of marital status. No distinction needed, no marital questions asked. But for women? Marital status has long been front and centre. Legally, socially, and linguistically, society has traditionally placed women in a box where marital status defined them—something that just wasn’t as relevant for men.

Then we were colonised in dear old Zimbabwe in the 19^th century, the British brought all these distinctions which we have assimilated into our own culture. Bummer.

In Zimbabwe…

My country takes the whole being married as a woman to a whole new level of importance. If you aren’t awarded the title of Mrs you’re about as appealing as a wet slice of bread. That’s not the case for men as they are only dubbed Mr. That means that society deems them a whole being whether or not they are married. They don’t need other titles to distinguish them because they are enough regardless.  Men’s social status is not tied to women. Not being a Mrs in Zimbabwe is like walking the plank or asking the hangman to sharpen his axe so he can give you a nice clean chop in one fell swoop.

When we did A Level, I remembered that we studied a play entitled “She no longer weeps.” by Tsitsi Dangarembga. Even though the protagonist Martha became a reputable attorney with more money than she had ever dreamt of making, her parents and society still looked down on her because she wasn’t a married woman. She tried to prove herself for years but no one batted her an eye. She was unmarried therefore she was worthless and easily disposable.

Whenever we have family events, you know the really big ones whereby there are relatives you didn’t even know existed, are in attendance? The ones who pinch your cheek and marvel at how much you’ve grown as if the past five years of us not seeing each other meant your aging would be frozen in time. Anyway, the women who are married are often revered and respected at these family gatherings. They get served some food first or they are given the best chairs and the drumstick from the meat pot. You could be the wealthiest woman who drives a swanky Fortuner and dresses like Olivia Pope AND buy the drinks for the family events but if you aren’t married, you’ll still be nothing. No Mrs, no nothing. Society has long since attached a woman’s importance to the title of Mrs. If said title isn’t in your list of achievements even if you went to Harvard then it’s back to the drawing board with you, Mama.

As I type away, I wish I could reverse the blatant sexism that’s apparent in our languages, cultures and societies. But it will take a while and talking about it is certainly a step in the right direction and we ought to do it as often as we can. I would like to think that I am free of that burden because I don’t attach my value to my marital status. I attach my value to the One who created me in His image. With that being said, ever since I had my epiphany being called Miss now gives me the absolute ick. Until I can be Dr Tazibona, Ms Tazibona will suffice for now.

• The “Weird” Brown Girl.

https://www.theegalitarian.co.uk/post/mrs-miss-or-ms-why-are-you-telling-everyone-your-marital-status

https://www.cam.ac.uk/research/news/mistress-miss-mrs-or-ms-untangling-the-shifting-history-of-titles#:~:text=’Mistress’%20is%20the%20root%20word,the%20changing%20status%20of%20women.%22