via GIPHY

I’m a woman.

Duh.

Getting harassed, cat-called and hunted is the norm. Well, it shouldn’t be the norm but it is, unfortunately. I’m in university now. While men still harass me, it happens less often and I’m relieved. But that relief is also infuriating. Why? Because, I’m sickened by the fact that I was more sexually harassed in high school by grown men. Sometimes I wonder if society, our African society, has normalised paedophilia? I mean, I would get more harassment and lewd statements hurled at me when I was in a school uniform as opposed to today when I’m wearing regular ‘shmegular’ clothes and that is utterly disturbing.

In my informed opinion, the male gaze is centred around coveting youth. By that statement, I mean coveting youthful women or if statistics and horror stories have anything to say about it, desiring girls. I’m talking about babies, toddlers, primary school girls, high school girls and basically anyone below the age of 18. For the men who don’t want to catch a case, an 18-year-old girl fresh out of high school is exactly what they deem just right. I’m not kidding. Countless men who look to be about the age of 40 are no stranger to licking their lips and rubbing their horrendously large beer guts when they see an 18-year-old donning a school uniform crossing the street. They used to do that to me when I was coming from school and still do it today when I’m headed home from my lengthy lectures. It’s a sad reality that society, patriarchy’s number one supporter has more than normalised. It’s quite terrifying! I refuse to normalise this however and do my best to cuss or bite back at these men when I know they won’t swing their large hands at me or grab me and I wake up in another country.

I have been told by a man I admired and looked up to (past tense) that my value as a woman ends at 27. After 27 I’m worn out. I’m expired goods. It was a disgusting thing to say but I know that he meant that statement with every fibre of his being. And that he believed it to. Society says that a woman who reaches 30 is done for. She’s no longer desirable and what not. I believe that that’s true. GAAAAAASP!

Before you charge at me with your sword and push me into a fire, let me clarify my statement. It’s only true if you’re a woman who believes that poppycock. I won’t substantiate my statement with findings or proof because I don’t have to prove what I truly think is true. My value isn’t tied to my youth or beauty. It is tied to the fact that I’m a HUMAN BEING.

Duh.

THE MALE GAZE, WHAT IT IS & WHAT IT IS DOES…

I realise that I went off on a tangent and MUST define the male gaze. If you’re my loyal reader I’m sure you’ve read many of my posts where I make it a point to define the male gaze. If you’re a newbie I will define it for you, well not me exactly. Until I earn the credentials to define it myself, I’ll let Sarah Vanbuskirk for Verywellmind do the honours for us,

“the male gaze describes a way of portraying and looking at women that empowers men while sexualizing and diminishing women. From early adolescence on, we are biologically driven to look at and evaluate each other as potential mates—but the male gaze twists this natural urge, turning women into passive items to possess and use as props.”

When you hear male gaze think of the way cameras always peruse a woman’s bodies and linger on their body parts. Think of how scantily clad female characters tend to be in video games and anime that were created to appeal to men.

Film Examples of the male gaze:

Transformers (2007) – Megan Fox’s character is introduced in hyper-sexualised slow-motion shots while working on a car. The camera ALWAYS lingers on her body rather than her actions or thoughts.

Suicide Squad (2016) – Harley Quinn’s introduction involves stripping in front of male guards, with the camera focusing on her body more than her character.

James Bond Films – Bond girls are usually highly sexualised, with little character development outside of their relation to Bond.

The Wolf of Wall Street (2013) – We see female characters often naked or reduced to sexual accessories for the male leads’ power and pleasure.

Gaming examples of the male gaze:

Tomb Raider (Pre-2013) – Lara Croft was originally designed with exaggerated proportions and often dressed in impractical outfits.

Dead or Alive series – Known for hyper-sexualisation of female fighters with physics-defying character design.

Metal Gear Solid series – Quiet, a video game character who ought to be fighting is often seen wearing what I can only call a bra, underwear and leggings that are just see through netting and mesh.

Visual Art examples of the male gaze:

Classical Paintings – Women are often depicted nude, reclining, passive (e.g., Titian’s Venus of Urbino), meant to be looked at.

Manet’s “Olympia” – Though Olympia stares directly at the viewer, subverting the gaze, it still operates within a male-centric tradition of nude portraiture.

Unsolicited Comments or Stares in Public

Example:  A woman walking down the street is stared at or catcalled by men, even if she’s just in casual clothes.

This reinforces the idea that her body exists for male consumption, regardless of her intentions.

Dress Codes

Example: A school tells girls not to wear short skirts or tank tops “because it distracts the boys.”

This centres the male gaze and teaches girls that their bodies are responsible for male attention.

 TV Shows or Ads

Example: A woman is shown eating a burger in slow motion, lips glistening, music swelling—clearly meant to be sexy for male viewers (like old Carl’s Jr. ads).

The product is secondary to the eroticised presentation of the woman.

How Women Are Described in Stories

Example: In a book, a male character is introduced by his achievements or personality, while the woman is described as “leggy,” “voluptuous,” or “wearing a tight dress.” Then her achievements are listed way after her physical description comes if we’re lucky

This is common even in casual writing, revealing how default storytelling often focuses on how women look to men.

Feeling Watched:

Example: A woman adjusts her posture, fixes her clothes, or becomes self-conscious when she notices a man looking at her even if she was just existing normally. I’m sure this has happened to you before. Sometimes you find yourself fidgeting and fixing yourself because in your head there’s invisible men staring at you and your response is performing perfection.

This internalised male gaze makes her modify her behaviour under assumed male scrutiny.

 Product Packaging

Example: Women’s products (like perfume or shampoo) feature naked or highly sexualised women on the box designed to be “attractive” to men, even though the buyer is often a woman. I remember wanting to buy a tea numerous people were raging about and was excited until I got to the store selling it and saw an almost naked woman on the box. What did nakedness and tea have in common? I still think about the absurdity today.

This reflects marketing through male desire. Yes, even in marketing we aren’t exactly free.

*SIGHS DEEPLY*

Now that I’ve gone on to explain the male gaze, I’ll move on to the female gaze. Before I delve into what it supposedly is, I just want to clarify that I don’t think it exists. YOU CAN PUSH ME OFF OF A CLIFF OR HAVE ME PUBLICLY HANGED. It still doesn’t exist.

 THE FEMALE GAZE & WHY I DON’T THINK IT EXISTS…

The female gaze is a feminist theory term referring to the gaze of the female spectator, character or director of an artistic work, but more than the gender it is an issue of representing women as subjects having agency. As such, people of any gender can create films with a female gaze. It is a response to feminist film theorist Laura Mulvey‘s term “the male gaze“, which represents not only the gaze of a heterosexual male viewer but also the gaze of the male character and the male creator of the film. In that sense it is close, though different, from the Matrixial gaze coined in 1985 by Bracha L. Ettinge

• A WIKIPEDIA definition for you, don’t kill me, I know Wikipedia can be wonky.

After scouring the internet for an appropriate definition, I settled on Wikipedia. I know, I know, you can have me shot. Bear in mind that the male gaze, while prevalent in our lives it is mainly centred in media. It is centred on women’s representation in media. You know the degradation and lack of agency part of it.

The female gaze is difficult to define. It seems as though it is a concept that people are failing to understand or define despite claiming its existence. From my understanding, the female gaze portrays women with agency and substance as opposed to the male gaze. The female gaze transcends media criticism and has become more of a zeitgeist of this era as opposed to a concept that has substance.

My argument…

Women all over the world don’t control media so how can the female gaze exist like its counterpart the male gaze that was coined by Laura Mulvey to bring light to the media’s representation of women? Men control the media which gives the male gaze a right to exist. Women don’t have control of the media so the female gaze can’t exist.

The female gaze doesn’t exist because women will never be deemed beings with agency. There’s this myth that we believe that says women do everything for men. Dressing is believed to be the primary action that women do for the pleasure of men. Thus, there’s been a call for women to stop dressing for the male gaze and dress for the female gaze instead. While in Zimbabwe this movement is not necessarily pointed out it is prevalent in our society especially from my observation. The call for women to be dressed modestly and not to wear clothes that would induce a man’s sexual attention has long lived in Zimbabwean spaces. It’s nothing new in any way. One can actually view that as Zimbabwe’s way of dressing for the female gaze as opposed to the male gaze.

Society, including women have long since told other women that wearing short clothes or tight clothes is harlotry and so for women not to be seen as harlots they should dress modestly and that keeps men away from women. Well, that is absolutely bloody FALSE.

Why?

Because men will approach you to harass you whether you’re wearing a massive hoodie and oversized pants or a tube top and mini skirt. Whatever you’re wearing will always be akin to a neon sign that says, “Hey, I want you, approach me and flirt with me even if I say no. In the event I say no coerce and harass me into accepting your advances.”  That’s about it really.

Thus, saying dressing for the female gaze protects us from men or repels men is FALSE so the female gaze doesn’t exist.

If there was a way for women to dress to avoid sexual harassment or men’s advances I’m sure we would have figured it out now. If you believe you’ve figured it out please let me know. You could wear a sack and a man would still approach you. You could dress weirdly if you wanted but it’s more likely you’ll just attract a weird man.

“Was it really my fault?” Asked the Short skirt.

“No, it happened with me too,” replied the Burka.

The diaper in the corner couldn’t even speak.

– Darshen Mondkar

It was never the clothes.

It was never the female gaze.

Because the female gaze doesn’t exist.

How you dress does not repel a man.

Women in burkas, women in kaftans, nuns could be what we call the epitome of modesty and yet there are reports of their assault every day! The idea of the female gaze is that modesty repels men which also gives women the courtesy of being regarded as beings with  agency…WRONG.

The female gaze supports the assumption that women who dress skimpily do it to attract men. I don’t think so because in an ideal world where men didn’t exist, I reckon I would dress skimpier. I would wear butt shorts and a top without a bra in public transport.

The problem with the female gaze is that it unintentionally plays into the notion that modesty equals safety. Women in the Middle East would beg to differ. Modesty won’t protect you from a man’s harassment.

The female gaze also claims to assist women in perceiving themselves without the influence of a man and yet this concept hyper focuses on men.

So what’s my verdict?

Women are always going to be scrutinised through the male gaze. If we’re dressed less modestly well, we’re harlots and if we’re dressed modestly, we aren’t pretty enough. At the end of the day we’re perceived no matter what we’re wearing. At the end of the day a man who wants to assault you will assault you whether you’re wearing a micro-skirt or a kaftan. The female gaze was and never will be a thing because women will never be perceived as beings with agency no matter how covered up they are.