via GIPHY

The world is full of idiots.

Gosh, who could have known?

I mean I did. If you didn’t, you have quite a lot to learn.

Society has always had a way of undermining women. Lol, who could have known? If it wasn’t evident in our socialisation growing up, our laws, the unfortunate situations that continuously befall women then I don’t know what to tell you. I briefly touched on the infantilisation of femininity when I was prattling on and on about how society only values youthful women. But I was pissed off by a man this past week and had an epiphany about how men often feel the need to infantilise women and it’s like ohhh someone give me my gun—-, honestly it’s a wonder how I haven’t become a misandrist at this point (Lol, I’m just joking hahaha…maybe…in any case, thank you Yahweh).

So what is infantilisation?

Aunty Merriam Webster told me that infantilisation means “to treat as if infantile”. It basically means the prolonged treatment of one who is not a child, as though they are a child. Studies have shown that an individual, when infantilised, is overwhelmingly likely to feel disrespected. Such individuals may report a sense of transgression akin to dehumanisation.

My experiences with infantilisation of my femininity is when men tell me well you can’t do this or that because you’re a “girl”. Which is really odd to me because I am in fact a woman and my gender has nothing to do it. I remember squaring my shoulders and asking him what the heck he meant by that. He proceeded to tell me well, girls—to which I corrected him and said I am a woman. He told me that it doesn’t matter but women aren’t usually into martial arts of stuff or capable of doing martial arts because it’s a GROWN MAN thing. (**Sighs in perpetual disgust**). Lucky me, I had a run in with a sexist and an infantilise-r (not a word lol, but you get my point).

Then there’s instances when I enter spaces riddled with weebs (habitual anime lovers). I am always so happy to be surrounded by people who love anime the way I do. The funny thing though is that I get along with female weebs as opposed to male weebs and the reason is very simple. Male weebs tend to start asking me if I really like anime and if so, I should name the big three anime. It doesn’t stop there, they feel the need to quiz me on every aspect of anime like where it’s from and what language is used because heaven forbid a woman likes anime or anything that strays from societal preconceived notions of what women like or are interested in.

Then I had the displeasure of watching a social experiment in which many people of different ages were asked to run like a girl or woman. Many men and women started their impressions of what it looks like to run like a girl. The impressions were disturbing because all of them were clutching their hair, whining and pouting. The impressions were all childlike and dare I say infantilised? I remember massaging my temples in frustration. Was that how the world had always perceived us? Where we always doomed to these strange perceptions?

Infantilization in the Context of Class and Economic Dependency

In Zimbabwe, economic disparities exacerbate the infantilisation of women in more ways than one, particularly for those in lower-income or rural communities. In situations where women are financially dependent on men, their lack of economic power often translates into reduced decision-making autonomy. Men, in these cases, assume a paternalistic role, controlling financial resources and key family decisions. Women may be infantilised not only by their partners but also by systems that restrict their access to education, employment, and capital. Seeing as how we have been damned to economic turmoil for more than 2 decades, women have had to put up with paternalistic partners for just as long.

Infantilization in Health and Reproductive Rights

In healthcare, particularly around reproductive rights, women in Zimbabwe (and globally) are often treated as incapable of making informed decisions about their own bodies. This infantilisation can manifest in medical professionals disregarding women’s pain or concerns, assuming that they don’t fully understand their own needs. For example, women’s requests for certain contraceptives or birth control methods might be dismissed or overridden, with healthcare providers imposing their own judgments.

This is particularly problematic in rural areas, where access to healthcare is already limited, and traditional beliefs may further restrict women’s autonomy. Infantilising attitudes within the healthcare system contribute to the broader societal belief that women need to be “protected” from their own choices—whether it’s regarding family planning or managing their health.

In our lingo…

Society has made it so that we infantilise ourselves as well. Notice how women freak out when you call them ma’am or so and so’s mum because it makes them feel old. They say that themselves— “don’t call me ma’am, it makes me feel old.” Notice how men go bonkers when you call them boys. They go ballistic and start explaining why they are men and why they should be recognised as said men. Society has always valued women’s youth and it seems as though men’s social status improves as they age and rake up assets or whatever. Society basically says women are minors and men are majors, that’s why men get offended when you call them boys (Don’t do that, you might actually get your neck snapped).

Haven’t you heard men say, “It’s cause you’re my girl.” or “That’s my girl.” It’s rarely ever, “you’re my woman” or “that’s my woman right there.” These are subtle nuggets of infantilisation but that doesn’t mean they are not indicative of a huge social problem. If these nuggets are not indicative of the problem, we can even say these nuggets add on to this massive problem because we’ve normalised talking to each other that way.

Even the whole, “I’m just a girl.” popular TikTok phrase adds on to the infantilisation of femininity. It was catchy until I realised how weird it sounded and now, I’m actively at war with myself to quell saying it habitually as I have been for a while. However, some people argue that that statement shouldn’t be over analysed and should be taken as a joke. Some women claim that if men can go around claiming boys will be boys after doing some heinous crap, then women can also use the “I’m just a girl” phrase to vitiate the double standard. I still don’t know where I stand but I don’t like that’s for sure. I know this is weird considering that I am the Weird Brown Girl…sighs…I can explain I—

Society gaslights women & femininity…

Society manipulates femininity at different stages of a female’s life. Society decides how femininity should operate to suite its own tastes and preferences.

When females are younger or when they are children, they are often told that they shouldn’t care too much about what boys say or do because boys will be boys (***grabs brown paper bag and barfs***). They are told that girls mature faster than boys so if he beats you, cusses at you then just ignore it. Umm, how about no? How about we stop teaching that to our children? These teachings vitiate the responsibility and accountability that boys should have and take after doing the wrong thing.

It makes girls think that it’s their fault that boys are doing bad things to them. I don’t like it at all and neither should you like it too. So, when a female is young, society’s assigned femininity towards her is a mature version so that it can vitiate a man’s accountability after he does something awful. Phew…that hurt my brain a little bit.

As that little girl grows up, she’s also to take responsibility for being catcalled or sexually harassed because why did she decide to wear shorts? Instead of why is a grown man with a job and family eyeing up a 12-year-old girl donning her sports kit or school uniform? It’s always why is she walking the streets at this time or why is she walking alone and never why is he doing that? Even when faced with older men, a female child still ought to take accountability for being harassed by an ADULT MALE. Can someone make it make sense for me?

When our little girl grows up, she loses more of her bodily autonomy (lol, not that she really had it at the beginning). This time, society infantilises her femininity by telling her that she’s not as smart as a man or not capable of holding a job in a male dominated industry. She’s told that a man is more logically adept despite the fact that they are the ones that lift their hands to strike a woman or lash out and call a woman a bitch for rejecting their advances…even despite the fact that they are the ones that start wars and push for horrid things like colonialism. Where was the highly praised logic of men in any of these instances? I’ll wait for you to tell me…granted I’ll probably be fish food by the time you even start to crack the code, better yet you’ll join me in the circle of life as food for maggots before you find the answer. Why? Because it doesn’t exist. Well, it does…but it’s highly taboo to say a man can sometimes lack logic…

It’s always “She went and got herself pregnant.” We (hahaha, not me) conveniently ignore that it takes two to conceive because heaven forbid a man is actually blamed as well. In this instance a man is absolved of his responsibility.

It’s always “She slept her way to the top.”. We (hahaha, still not me) discredit a woman’s achievements (because how could a socially perceived “toddler” possibly achieve great heights?) by suggesting she used sex to advance hence ignoring the blatant power imbalance created by men in positions of power and influence.

It’s always “That’s fatherless behaviour.” We (hahaha, it’ll never be me but y’all stay safe) tend to blame a girl’s supposed bad behaviour on her absent father but unfairly places that shame on HER instead of the MAN who abandoned her.

It’s always, “Motherfucker/ Son of a bitch.” We (I would rather be gutted like a fish than say any of these heinous insults) aim said insults at men. Men say these insults to each other a lot. These insults still shame their mother or a woman in their life, still placing the blame on women for a man’s behaviour.

Isn’t it funny how little girls are forced to grow up faster so that society can ensure that room is left for boys and men to act silly and make dumb decisions that are justified by a girl’s maturity and his lack of it, which come to think of it is very contradictory because aren’t boys and men deemed more logical and reasonable? DO WE SEE HOW STUPID THIS IS?

Then when these girls become women, society is hellbent on keeping them in line under the guise of women’s supposed lack of logical adeptness. It’s always, let a man lead or do this and that because you can’t possibly do that. I can’t tell you how many times men have told me that they hate educated women. An educated woman isn’t dangerous (not to me, other women and even the planet). An educated woman is free. An educated woman has dreams and plans to make those dreams come true. An educated woman is only a danger to society because society seeks to infantilise her and if she’s educated that becomes extremely difficult.

These are some of the reasons why I claim that society loves to gaslight women by using the femininity that it crafts for women when it suits said society and it’s patriarchal shenanigans.

Weird contradictions the world fails to address…

They (I’m sure you know who I mean… if you don’t, I think it’s time you read a book or at the very least, touch some grass) get on the internet and grab those awful mics to scream that women should be docile, silent, childlike and then proceed to complain and whine about how women are childish, immature and lack reason. Where’s the sense? Do they not know that children can be irrational and sometimes lack reason? The jokes write themselves at this point.

They start wars… but she’s the infant?

They punch walls and throw things around when angry… but she’s the infant?

They call her a ‘slut’, ‘bitch’ or ‘whore’ when she rejects them…but a she’s the infant?

Hilarious.

So what do we do…

Oh honey, it’s really simple. Watch your mouth. Use these nuggets of eye-opening information in regular conversation. Fight that demon that makes you call a grown woman ‘girl’. Refrain from utilising infantilising jargon—please. Read, read and read some more and maybe work on some empathy because that’s the first step to understanding all these concepts to emancipate oneself and other women AND MEN from society’s carefully crafted system of infantilisation of femininity. Use that beautiful God-given voice to dismantle these systems. It’ll take time but I’m sure we can do it.  

P.S: Some of these “she’s my girl” or “she’s young and hot” statements are lowkey indicative of paedophilia and how society has normalised casual and lowkey paedophilia. Do you want to be a paedo? Me thinks not…so watch your mouth.

Until next time dear reader.

– The “Weird” Brown girl.

SOURCES:

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/infantilize